Daily humor ..

A gastroenterologist claims these are actual comments made by his patients made while he was performing colonoscopies (rectal exams):

1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Oh boy, that was sphincterrific!"
5. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"
6. "You know, in some states, we're now legally married."
7. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
8. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey...."
9. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
10. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
11. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
12. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
13. "Are we there yet?


The Blonde Examination!A pretty young blonde woman was visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room.
She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination.
Just as she draped the last of her garments on the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in.Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation."Miss Jones" he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination!"

Little Johnny At Grandma's HouseLittle Johnny and his family were having dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.When Little Johnny received his plate he started eating right away. "Johnny, wait until we say our prayer.""I don't have to," The boy replied."Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We always say a prayer before eating at our house.""That's at our house," Johnny explained. "But, this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook!"

Drinking Beer.A Floridian, a New Yorker and a Canadian are in a bar one night having a beer.The New Yorker drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces.He says:
"In New York our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice."The Canadian [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says:
"In Canada we have so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either."The Floridian, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the New Yorker and the Canadian.He says:
"In Florida we have so many New Yorkers and Canadians that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice."


Brokeback Deputies Jokes Warehouse.Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains.
To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room.
No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly.
They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.The first deputy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said:
"Man, what happened to you?"He said:
"Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."The next night it was a different deputy's turn.
In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot.
They said:
"Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"He said:
"Man, that Daryl! shakes the roof. I watched him all night."The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man.
The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed.
"Good morning," he said.They couldn't believe it! They said:
"Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night long."