Laffaday!

Sex Survey Findings:  
10% of the women had sex within the 1st hour of their first date.  
20% of the men had sex in a non-traditional place.  
36% of the women favour nudity.  
45% of the women prefer dark men with blue eyes.  
46% of the women experienced anal sex.  
70% of the women prefer sex in the morning  
80% of the men have never experienced homosexual relations.  
90% of the women would like to have sex in the forest.  
99% of the women have never experienced sex in the office.  

Conclusion:  
Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of having anal sex in the morning with a strange woman in the forest than to have sex in the office at the end of the day.

 

"Actually, Al Gore's movie, 'An Inconvenient Truth', made about $2 million this past weekend, whereas X-men made about $150 million.

That just shows we're more interested in the fake people saving the fake earth than the real people trying to save the real earth."
     --Jay Leno  

 

Don't Miss The Amazing Italian.
A travelling salesman drove into a small town where a circus was playing.
A sign read:

"Don't Miss The Amazing Italian."
The intrigued salesman bought a ticket and sat down.
There, under The Big Top, in the centre ring, was a table with three walnuts on it.
Standing next to it was an old Italian.
Suddenly, the old man dropped  his pants, whipped out his huge male member and smashed all the walnuts with  three mighty swings!
The crowd erupted in applause and the elderly Italian was carried off on their shoulders.
Fifteen years later the salesman visited the same little town, found the same circus and saw the same faded  sign that read:

"Don't Miss The Amazing Italian".
He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive much less still doing his act!
He bought a ticket.

Again, the centre ring was illuminated.
This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table.
The Italian stood before them, then suddenly dropped his pants and smashed the coconuts with three swings of his amazing member.
The crowd went wild!
Flabbergasted, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.
"You're incredible" he told the Italian, "but I have to know something. I saw your act 15 years ago and you were using walnuts. Why the switch from walnuts to coconuts?"
"Well," said the Italian, "my eyes aren't what they used to be."  

 

We all have our time machines.

Some take us back, they're called memories.
Some take us forward, they're called dreams.


YOUR JoKe:
Q : Why is it estimated that only 99 percent of all people masterbate?
A : The other 1% were either taking the poll or answering the door!


YOUR StOrY:
CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE!
"I'm in favour of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The Simpsons' is on television."   
(Anita, 6)
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me."
(Bobby, 8)
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough."
 (Regina, 10)

Investment of Twenty Dollars.
On their wedding night, a young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking  encounter.
In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This  scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him  thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.
During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of  corporate downsizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined. 
Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totalling nearly $1 million.
Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over  $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.
She explained that for the more than three decades she had "charged" him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.
Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out:

"If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"
That's when she shot him.

Ya  know....... sometimes, us men just don't know when to keep our mouths shut.