Jokes2Go!

CONDOMINIUM.

A prophylactic for midgets.

YOUR StOrY 1:

My wife used to have the habit of disbelieving something with the phrase:
"My ass!"
She would say:
"Four hundred dollars, my ass!"
or
"30 minutes late, my ass!"
One day, a friend of mine and I were having a conversation, which she
was listening to, and I said something like,
"......so, it would be easy to penetrate.."
She chimed in...
"Penetrate, my ass!"
My friend and I laughed so long and hard we forgot what we were even
talking about!
Needless to say, she doesn't say:
"My ass!" any more.

YOUR StOrY 2.:

An amateur translator from English to Japanese happened to find a
temporary job.
The first he has to do is this:
"Go the extra mile.
It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker."
Because, the Japanese translator does not have a sense to understand
the above, his work in Japanese reads:
"Don't go the extra mile, or it reveals you as an incompetent slacker
like your boss."

YOUR JoKe:

Tommy goes into a confessional box and says,
"Bless me father for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The Priest says,
"Is that you, Tommy?
Tommy says,
"Yes father, it's me."
The Priest says,
"Who was the woman you were with?"
Tommy says,
"I cannot tell you, father, because I don't want to ruin her reputation."
The priest asks,
"Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
Tommy replies,
"No, father."
The priest asks,
"Was it Fiona MacDonald?"
Tommy replies, "
No."
The priest asks,
"Was it Ann Brown?"
Tommy replies,
"No."
The priest asks,
"Was it Mary Elizabeth O'Shea?"
Tommy replies,
"No, father."
The priest asks,
"Was it Amy Thomas?"
Tommy replies,
"No, father."
The priest asks,
"Was it little Cathy Morgan?"
Tommy replies,
"NO father! I cannot tell you."
The priest finally says,
"Tommy, I admire your perseverance, but you must atone for your sins.
Your penance will be four 'Our Fathers' and five 'Hail Mary's'. Now go
back to your seat."
Tommy walks back to his pew and his buddy Sean slides over and whispers,
"What happened?!"
"Well, I got four Our Fathers, five Hail Marys, and six good leads."

YOUR StOrY 3:

Sign outside a church in New York City :
Today's Sermon:
Do Not Be Deceived.
By Rev. Arthur McConnel

Fruits of Love.

A newlywed couple were spending their honeymoon in a remote log cabin
resort way up the mountains.
They had registered on Saturday and had not been seen for five days.
An elderly couple ran the resort, and they were getting concerned
about the welfare of these newlyweds.
The old man decided to go and see if they were all right.
He knocked on the door of the cabin and a weak voice from inside answered.
The old man asked if they were OK.
"Yes, we're fine. We're living on the fruits of love."
The old man replied:
"I thought so... would you mind not throwing the peelings out the
window? They're choking my ducks!"