XX- Honest letters ...and the woman wins again...
Dear Wife
During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often.
We will wake the children..........................17 times
It's too late...............................................15 times
I'm too tired.............................................05 times
It's too early.............................................52 times
It's too hot...............................................15 times
Pretending to be asleep.............................49 times
Window open the neighbours will hear......09 times
Backache.................................................02 times
Headache.................................................16 times
Sunburnt..................................................10 times
Your mother will hear us...........................06 times
Not in the mood.......................................21 times
Will wake the baby...................................17 times
Watching the late TV show.......................07 times
Too sore..................................................09 times
New hairdo..............................................04 times
Wrong time of the month..........................04 times
You had to go to the toilet........................09 times
On the occasions that I did succeed, the activity was not entirely satisfactory because:
During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often.
We will wake the children..........................17 times
It's too late...............................................15 times
I'm too tired.............................................05 times
It's too early.............................................52 times
It's too hot...............................................15 times
Pretending to be asleep.............................49 times
Window open the neighbours will hear......09 times
Backache.................................................02 times
Headache.................................................16 times
Sunburnt..................................................10 times
Your mother will hear us...........................06 times
Not in the mood.......................................21 times
Will wake the baby...................................17 times
Watching the late TV show.......................07 times
Too sore..................................................09 times
New hairdo..............................................04 times
Wrong time of the month..........................04 times
You had to go to the toilet........................09 times
On the occasions that I did succeed, the activity was not entirely satisfactory because:
06 times you just lay there,
08 times you reminded me there was a crack in the ceiling,
14 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with,
07 times I had to wake you to tell you I had finished,
and once, I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.
Your loving
Your loving
husband.
My Dear Husband,
I think you have things a little confused.
I think you have things a little confused.
Here are the real reasons you did not get more than you did.
Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat.........07 times
Didn't come home......................................29 times
Didn't come.................................................14 times
Came too soon.............................................26 times
Went soft before you got in.....................18 times
Toes in cramp..........................................09 times
Working late.............................................49 times
Said you had a rash, probably from a loo seat.......21 times
In a fight, someone kicked you in the balls............04 times
Caught it in your zipper......................06 times
Got a cold, your nose keeps running......14 times
Brewer's droop..............................................95 times
Tea was too hot, you burnt your tongue...09 times
Had a splinter in your finger..........................04 times
Lost the notion after thinking about it all day.......13 times
Came in your pyjamas while reading a dirty book...08 times
Of the times we did get together, the reason I lay still was because you had missed and was stuffing the sheets.
Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat.........07 times
Didn't come home......................................29 times
Didn't come.................................................14 times
Came too soon.............................................26 times
Went soft before you got in.....................18 times
Toes in cramp..........................................09 times
Working late.............................................49 times
Said you had a rash, probably from a loo seat.......21 times
In a fight, someone kicked you in the balls............04 times
Caught it in your zipper......................06 times
Got a cold, your nose keeps running......14 times
Brewer's droop..............................................95 times
Tea was too hot, you burnt your tongue...09 times
Had a splinter in your finger..........................04 times
Lost the notion after thinking about it all day.......13 times
Came in your pyjamas while reading a dirty book...08 times
Of the times we did get together, the reason I lay still was because you had missed and was stuffing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about a crack in the ceiling, what I said was:
"Would you prefer it on your back or with me kneeling?"
The times you felt me move, were because you had farted and I was trying to breathe.
However, 6 months ago I phoned Alcoholics Anonymous for help and their representative has been calling most afternoons.
Your Loving
The times you felt me move, were because you had farted and I was trying to breathe.
However, 6 months ago I phoned Alcoholics Anonymous for help and their representative has been calling most afternoons.
Your Loving
Wife.
