XX ADULT PUNS!

In my dream,
I was at an Internet cafe when my server went down on me.

Paul was shopping the other day and wound up face to face with this drop
dead gorgeous woman.
He couldn't help but just stare at her, so much so that his mouth dropped
open and he was drooling.
The woman caught him staring and suspected he wasn't just admiring her
outfit.
She said,
"Are you often troubled by indecent thoughts?"
Paul replied,
"No, ma'am. Actually, to be honest, I rather enjoy them."

Medical ethics experts are still struggling with the question as to whether
or not it's fitting for young male gynaecologists to look up old
girlfriends.

Keith Richards said he apologizes for saying in his autobiography, "Life",
that Mick Jagger's penis is "nothing to write home about."
Now, I don't know about you folks, but other guys' penises is not what I
would chose to write home about.
"Dear Mom, guess what I saw in the locker room today?"

Things you learn in Porn films:
Men don't have to beg.

Way down in the deep south, in an area known as the 'Bible Belt,' there
lived a Baptist minister with a very large congregation.
One morning, after a particularly moving sermon, he announced,
"Friends I have been hearing very nasty rumours!"
The crowd fell into an expectant silence.
The Minister continued,
"One of you, here among us, has been reporting that I am a member of the
dreaded 'Klu Klux Klan'. This, of course, is not true! I am asking that the
guilty party confess and apologize now. Right here, before my flock of loyal
followers."
Sister Margaret quickly stood up and pleaded,
"Preacher, please, I don't know how this all came to be. I just mentioned to
one of my close friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

Said the astronomer to his assistant:
"You need to clean the telescope better. There's a smudge on it. It makes it
look like Uranus is dirty."

A somewhat strange guy walks into a bar.
The bartender notices him and watches as the man walks up to a group of men
at a table and starts talking to them.
The man then gets up and goes to the bartender and says,
"I bet you $500 that I can piss in that shot glass on the back wall without
spilling a drop."
The bartender, thinking he could make himself a quick $500 takes the bet.
The man then unzips his pants and starts pissing all over the bartender and
the bar.
He pisses on everything but the shot glass.
When he is finished the bartender says,
"Well, I guess you owe me $500."
The man walks back over to the table and comes back and gives the bartender
$500 the bartender then asks,
"How did you get that money from them?"
The man replies,
"Well I just bet them $2,000 that I could piss all over you and your bar and
you wouldn't get mad."

Did you hear about the gay burglar?
He couldn't blow the safe,
So, he went down on the elevator.

A guy goes into a bar and sits down.
The bartender asks what he will have and the guy says he will have a beer
AND a shot.
"Big night?" asked the barkeep.
"I'll say. I just had my first blow job tonight!"
The bartender says
"That's great! These drinks will be on the house!"
As he puts them down, the guys says
"Thanks! These should help get the taste out of my mouth.

Why did the little Greek boy want to run away from home?
He didn't like the way he was being reared.
Why didn't the little Greek boy run away from home after all?
He didn't want to leave his brothers behind.