XXX ADULT PUNS!

Suzie Wong and her sister looked tight.
They seduced Stephen Wright one hot night.
He resisted just one,
But a pair? Too much fun!
So you see, two Wongs can make a Wright!
(Kirk Miller)

If women are so perfect at multitasking,
How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time

When the Sheiks' oil fields dried up, he realized he would have to cut back
on expenses quickly.
As much as he hated to, he knew he would have to give-up most of his harem.
He decided to find out which ones performed best in all aspects of sex and
retain just those few.
Night after night the "contest" was held.
Then one of the younger girls performed such outstanding oral sex on him, he
knew she was one of the chosen.
"Tell me," he said, "what is the secret of your fabulous technique."
"What I did, Oh Sovereign of the Sands, was to suck on ice cubes prior to
our session." replied the girl. "You see, my Mother told me that in most
cases, the cooler head always prevails."

Have you heard about the gay guy who put a nicotine patch on his penis?
He's down to three butts a day.

A man goes into a drugstore to buy a pack of condoms.
When he gets out his wallet to pay, he sees that the bill is 16 cents higher
than the price on the box.
He asks why and is told that the extra money is for tax.
"Jeezum," he muses aloud, "and here I always thought that you just rolled
them on."

Mary:
My #1 ex was probably the dumbest of all.
Jill:
Why do you say that?
Mary:
He came into the bedroom one night holding a jalapeno pepper in his hand. I
said, "Why in hell did you bring that pepper to the bedroom?"
Jill:
Well, what did he say?
Mary:
He said, "You told me that we needed to spice up our love life!"

Mom's have Mother's Day, Father's have Father's Day. What do single guys
have?
Palm Sunday!

A father was entertaining a boy his daughter had brought home from college.
"I realize it's only a formality," the young man said,"but I want to ask for
your daughter's hand."
"And where did you get the idea that this is just a formality?" the father
asked.
The boyfriend replied,
"From our Lamaze instructor."

Student nurse is preparing for her first insertion of a Foley catheter.
Patient is uptight enough already, and the supervising RN urges the student,
"Now tell him what you are doing."
Student nurse grabs the man's penis with one hand, holds the Foley with the
other and confidently states,
"OK, here's the stick!"