IMMUTABLE LAWS

Law of Documented Relativity
Nothing is as easy as it seems or as difficult as the manual makes it out to
be.


Law of Time Management
Everything takes longer than the amount of time you have available to do it
in.


Law of the Indirect Search
The quickest way of finding something is by looking for something entirely
different.


The "Wait for me while I write it down" Law.
If you have a pen, you don't have paper.
If you have paper, you don't have a pen.
If you have both, nobody answers.


Law of Telephone Priority
If you dial a wrong number, it will never be engaged.


The Principle of Archimedes Updated
Any body submerged in a bath makes the telephone ring.


Law of Gravity
If you manage to remain calm when all around you are losing their heads,
You presumably don't understand the gravity of the situation.


Law of Experience
A well's depth is only known by he/ she who falls into it.


Definition of a Specialist
1) A specialist is someone who knows more and more about less and less.
2) An advanced specialist is someone who knows everything about absolutely
nothing.


Practical Guide to Modern Science:
If you can mix it, it belongs to Biology.
If it stinks, it belongs to Chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it belongs to Physics.
If nobody understands it, it's Mathematics.
If it is not applicable it is Economics or Psychology.


The Law of Courses, Exams and the like:
1) If the course you most want to be on has space for X students,
You can be sure that on registering for the course you will be x+1.
2) 80% of the final exam will be based on the one class that you missed or
on the only book you didn't read.
3) All teachers work on the basis that you have nothing else to do besides
study their speciality.


Law of the Essay Writer
The most valuable quotation will be the one in which you left out the
author's name in the footnotes.


Law of Units of Measurement
"One size only" means that it does not suit any size.


Law of Free Fall
1) Whatever force is used to try to grab a falling object will lead to more
damage than if it were left to fall freely.
2) The probability of a slice of bread landing with the buttered side facing
down is directly proportional to the value of your carpet.


Law of Queues and Bottlenecks
The next queue along always advances faster than the one you are waiting in.
There is no point changing queue, the law doesn't change.


Law of Sticky Tape
There are two kinds of tape available:
The type that doesn't stick and
The type that can't be unrolled.


Laws of Life
1) A healthy person is someone who has been incorrectly diagnosed by his/her
doctor.
2) All the pleasures in life are either illegal, immoral or fattening.


Fundamental Law of Particle Attraction
Every flying particle will always find its way into an open  eye.


Law of Sod's Laws
If you believe that these laws express bitter existential pessimism,
This goes to show that you have still got a long way to fall.