XXXXX ADULT PUNS!

'Cuckold':
Somebody that somebody else really has it in for.

Back in the 1960's white activists often got their hair styled in an Afro --
a large bush-style hairdo -- to show support for civil rights. One such
fellow did so, and arrived home smiling and announced that he'd also teased
all his pubic hair into the same bushy style. His wife, who had had it with
her spouse's endless posturing, sneered,
"Great! Just great| Now during foreplay, I'll have to look for a needle in a
haystack!"

What's the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
Acne usually waits till the boy is thirteen before it comes on his face.

One Sunday morning, William burst into the living room and said,
"Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most
beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan."
After dinner, William's dad took him aside.
"Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years.
She's a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the
bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your
half-sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her."
William was heart-broken.
After eight months he eventually started dating girls again.
A year later he came home and very proudly announced,
"Diane said yes! We're getting married in June."
Again, his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad
news.
"Diane is your half-sister too, William. I'm awfully sorry about this."
William was furious!
He finally decided to go to his mother with the news.
"Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he
complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my
half-sister."
His mother just shook her head.
"Don't pay any attention to what he says, dear. He's not really your
father."

If you don't believe in oral sex,
Keep your mouth shut.

A blonde woman strode angrily into the large store, slapped a package on the
counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction.
The clerk asked,
"What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?"
The blonde's eyes got very large, and she whispered,
"Do you mean to tell me that 'Pussy Treats' are for cats?"

Things you learn in Porn films:
Women never have headaches or periods.

The bank robbers arrived just before closing and promptly ordered the few
remaining depositors, the tellers, clerks, and guards to disrobe and lie
face down on the floor, behind the counter.
One nervous blonde pulled off all her clothes and lay down on the floor
facing upwards.
"Turn over, Cindy," whispered the girl lying beside her. "This is a
stick-up, not an office party!"

What do you get if you cross a donkey with an onion?
Most of the time you simply get an onion with long ears,
But every once in a while you luck out and get a piece of ass that brings
tears to your eyes.

Two blonde girls walk into a department store.
They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle.
Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it,
"That's quite nice, don't you think, Tracy?"
"Yeah. What's it called, Sharon?"
"Viens a moi."
"Viens a moi? What does that mean?"
At this stage the assistant offers some help.
"Viens a moi, ladies, is French for 'Come to me'."
Sharon takes anther sniff and offers her arm to Tracy again saying,
"That doesn't smell like come to me. Does that smell like come to you?"

The difference between a 69 and driving in the fog is
When driving in the fog, you can't see the ass hole in front of you.