XXX ADULT PUNS!

There was a young lady named Faye,
Who was asked to make love in the hay.
She jumped at the chance
And took off her pants,
She was tickled to try it that way!

Oh, give me a home where the buffalo roam, and the deer and the antelope
play,
And I'll show you a home filled with all kinds of shit.

Contrary to popular belief,
Grape Nuts is not a venereal disease.

The manager of a superstore was making mad passionate love to his secretary
on his office desk, when unexpectedly, in walked the managing director of
the company.
"Do you know who I am," bellowed the MD?
The manager stopped what he was doing, turned round, stared at the MD, and
sharply replied:
"I don't freaking believe it! You're the third guy this week that's walked
into my office suffering from amnesia!"


There are three elderly people that get together on Friday night to play
cards.
Normally they play in the kitchen but on this night the kitchen is being
remodeled.
Not having a card table they decide to play cards in the living room with no
more than a paper spread over their laps.
Now the three people's name are Peter, Penny and Pricilla.
After a few hours the two ladies decide to "powder their noses."
While in the powder room Pricilla looks at Penny and says
"Penny did you see Peter's pecker poking through the paper in the parlor as
we were playing poker?"
Penny replied
"Pricilla, don't talk about Peter's pecker poking through the paper in the
parlor as we were playing poker! It makes my pussy pucker and I can't pee!"

I got a new stick deodorant today.
The instructions said:
Remove cap and push up bottom.
I can barely walk, but whenever I fart, the room smells lovely.

"Doctor, won't you please kiss me ?" asks the patient.
"No. You're a very beautiful woman, but it's against my code of ethics,"
replies the doctor.
"Please, just one kiss," she pleads.
"Sorry," says the doctor. "It's totally out of the question. I shouldn't
even be screwing you."

What is the difference between medium and rare?
Six inches is medium,
Eight inches is rare.

Mary, despite her good looks and charm, had still never dated any boys at
the age of 19.
Today, she was asking her Aunt Martha for advice with boys.
"Aunt Martha," she started, "I've just started French kissing Tommy, and I
need to know where the spit should go. I don't want to dribble on my
boyfriend."
"Swallow it." her aunt advised. "This will make you even more popular later
on."

He held her close against him, a warm glow of satisfaction covering them
both.
"Am I the first man you've ever made love to?" he asked.
She studied him reflectively.
"You might be," she said. "Your face looks very familiar."