XXX ADULT PUNS!

The pick-up couple was relaxing after a satisfying session of love making.
The guy considered himself lucky to have been able to attract and bed such a
luscious looking dish.
He was even considering trying to establish a relationship instead of just a
one night stand.
But he couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't already in one.
"I can't help feeling that we've met before," he said.
"Yeah, I know." sighed the girl stretching. "It happens to me a lot. I think
they call this 'deja screw'."

I told my kids,
"Look, you guys, if someone comes up to you at school and says,
'Is your mom gay?' Look them square in the face and say, 'Why? Does your mom
want to date her?'"

A woman goes to her doctor complaining that she is exhausted all the time.
After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor gets around to asking
her how often she has intercourse.
"Every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Saturday," she says.
The doctor advises her to cut out Wednesday.
"I can't," says the woman.
"That's the only night I'm home with my husband.

Cuckold:
Somebody that somebody else really has it in for.

The pretty young schoolteacher was concerned about one of her
eleven-year-old students.
Taking him aside after class one day, she asked,
"Victor, why has your schoolwork been so poor lately?"
"I can't concentrate," replied the lad. "I think I've fallen in love."
"Is that so?" said the teacher, holding back an urge to smile.
"And with whom?"
"With you," he answered.
"But Victor," exclaimed the secretly pleased young lady, "Don't you see how
silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday, but
not a child!"
"Oh, don't worry," said Victor reassuringly. "I'll be careful."

At the end of a Levitra commercial it warns,
"In the rare instance that an erection should last more than four hours seek
immediate medical attention."
For whom?

The city school board in Grantsburg, Wisconsin has revised its science
curriculum to allow the teaching of Creationism. Omitting, however, what
most Bible-Belters believe were Adam's first words to Eve:
"Stand back, Honey. I have no idea how long this thing will get!"

What did the pedophile say when he got out of jail?
"I feel like a kid again!"