XX ADULT PUNS!
"Let's try it this new way," said Jack
As he winked at the girl in the sack.
She turned and she grunted,
"I should be affronted,
But this time I'm taken aback!"
A blonde woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about
condoms.
She answered,
"Well, that depends on what's in it for me.
A travelling salesman on business in West Virginia met a young lady in a
bar, and invited her to his room.
As she was disrobing, he said,
"Say, how old are you?"
"Thirteen." she said.
"Thirteen?! My God! You're a child! Put your clothes back on right now and
get out of here!"
On her way out the door, the confused nymphet paused, turned to him, and
said,
"You're superstitious, right?"
The difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised is
When you get a divorce,
You get rid of the whole prick!
Nurse Jennings was walking down the hospital corridor when her supervisor
spotted her.
The supervisor couldn't believe it:
Her hair was unkempt,
Her dress wrinkled, and to top off her overall dishevelment,
Her breasts were hanging out of the open front of her uniform!
"MISS JENNINGS! How can you account for parading around the hospital not
only looking like a derelict, but with your breast exposed?"
"Oh," said the nurse, as she stuffed her breast into her uniform, "It's
those darned interns! They NEVER put anything back when they're through
using it!"
When arrested as a Peeping Tom at the girl's dorm,
The graduate student stated his graduate advisor recommended that he study a
broad this semester.
A well-stacked young advertising secretary wore tight knit dresses that
showed off her figure, especially when she walked. Her young, aggressive
boss motioned her into his office one afternoon and closed the door.
Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he asked,
"Is that for sale?"
"Of course not!" she snapped angrily, blushing furiously.
Unchanged, he replied quietly,
"Then, I suggest you quit advertising it."
Necrophillia:
That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.
A Catholic girl went to confession and said to the priest,
"I'm pregnant."
He asked,
"How did this happen, my child?"
She said,
"I think it must be the second coming."
The priest, shocked by this reply asked,
"What makes you think it's the second coming?"
She replied,
"Because I swallowed the first one."
When I travel one an airplane,
I like to be served TWA milk and TWA coffee.
But I love to be served TWA tea.
A man's walking late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty bucks," she says.
He's never been with a hooker before,
So, he decides what the hell.
They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden alight flashes one
them.
It's a police officer.
"What's going one here, people," asks the officer?
"I'm making love to my wife," he answers indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know," says the cop.
"Well, neither did I until you shined that light in her face."
I was recently born again.
It was a deeply spiritual and glorious experience.
I can't say my mother enjoyed it a whole lot.
Mrs. Grednick, who was a little on the chubby side, was at her
weight-watchers meeting.
"My husband insists I come to these meetings because he would rather screw a
woman with a trim figure," she lamented to the woman next to her.
"Well," the lady replied, "what's wrong with that? You'll feel better, too."
"You don't understand. He likes to do it while I'm stuck at these damn
meetings."
An elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for HIV.
When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their
age, the old man said,
"Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after annual sex!"
