XXX ADULT PUNS!

Confucius Say;
A kiss one the lips is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise.

A businessman and his secretary, overcome by passion, go to his house for an
early afternoon "quickie."
"Don't worry," he purrs. "My wife is out of town one a business trip,
there's no risk."
As one thing leads to another, the woman reaches into her purse and suddenly
gasps,
"We have to stop, I forgot to bring birth control!"
"No problem," her lover replies. "I'll get my wife's diaphragm."
After a few minutes of searching, he returns to the bedroom in a fury.
"That bitch!" he exclaims. "She took it with her! I always knew she didn't
trust me!"

Titanic:
A lady who goes down first time out.

Two elderly ladies are sitting one the front porch, doing nothing.
One old lady turns to the other and asks,
"Do you still get horny?"
The other replies,
"Oh sure I do."
The first old lady asks,
"What do you do about it?"
The second old lady replies,
"I suck a lifesaver."
After a few moments, the first old lady asks,
"Who drives you to the beach?

How many real men does it take to change a light bulb?
None!
Real men are not afraid of the dark.

My mom's a teacher,
So, she was real strict with me and my brother.
She was like,
'Look, don't drink and don't do drugs and don't sleep around.'
And then, one day it was like she changed her mind about everything.
She said,
"You're going to college."


Two hot young ladies are talking one afternoon about the weekend.
The first named Faba, and the second, Mujo, discussed Faba's last date:
"You know what Mujo, I was out last night with an intellectual type,"
Faba declared.
"What's that? What's do you mean intellectual type?" Mujo asked with
curiosity.
"Well, I mean I was dating a man who is very intellectual and intelligent,"
explained Faba to her friend. Mujo giggles, and asked,
"So, how was it?"
"First, he took me to dinner. Then he took me to a cinema movie. And then he
took me out for a drive. After all that, he took me to his house. He began
an intellectual conversation. And finally, he took out his penis."
"What is this word, 'penis'," Mujo asked, unfamiliar with the clinical
terminology.
"Oh, it is what intellectuals have. It looks like a dick, just much
smaller!"

Sign at a public pool:
"OOL:
You'll note that there's no pee in our pool.
Please keep it that way"

Mike was going to be married to Karen so his father sat him down for a
little chat.
He said,
"Mike, let me tell you something. One my wedding night in our honeymoon
suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, "Here, try
these on.'' She did and said, "These are too big. I can't wear them. I
replied, "Exactly.. I wear the pants in this family and I always will." Ever
since that night, we have never had any problems.
"Hmmm," said Mike.
He thought that might be a good thing to try.
On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen,
"Karen try these on."
She tried them one and said,
"These are too large. They don't fit me."
Mike said,
"Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don't want
you to ever forget that."
Then, Karen took off her panties and handed them to Mike.
She said,
"Here, you try on mine."
Mike did and said,
"I can't get into your panties."
Karen said,
'Exactly. And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will."

Barbie has never been pregnant because Ken comes in a different box.