XX ADULT PUNS!

There was a poor parson from Goring,
Who made a small hole in his flooring,
Fur-lined it all round,
Then laid on the ground,
And declared it was cheaper than whoring

The phone rings, and the wife answers.
A pervert, with heavy breathing, says;
"I bet you have a tight ass hole with no hair."
Woman replies,
"Yes, he's watching TV; who shall I say is calling?"

A man is in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son.
Every time the kite gets up into the air, it comes crashing down.
This goes on for a while when his wife sticks her head out of the front door
and yells,
"You need more tail."
The father turns to his son and says,
"Son, I'll never understand your mother. I told her yesterday I needed more
tail and she told me to go fly a kite."

The vet prescribed Viagra to the alligator for its reptile dysfunction.

Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the
eyeball to the anus?
It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving people a
shitty outlook on life.
If you don't believe it, try to pull a hair from your ass and see if it
doesn't bring a tear to your eye!

Things you learn in Porn films:
When standing during a blow job,
A man will always place one hand firmly one the back of the kneeling woman's
head and the other proudly on his hip.

Keith Richards said he apologizes for saying in his autobiography,
"Life", that Mick Jagger's penis is "nothing to write home about."
Now, I don't know about you folks, but other guys' penises is not what I
would chose to write home about.
"Dear Mom, guess what I saw in the locker room today?"

You can tell a gay lives in the house.
On the doormat it says,
"Wipe your knees."

On the first day of the school term the shop teacher was surprised to see a
rather cute young blonde girl sitting in the front row of his classroom.
Her name was Mitzi, and she was the only girl to sign up for the woodworking
class.
The bemused teacher asked her if she was sure she was in the right class.
Mitzi assured him that she was.
The teacher, still somewhat puzzled, added,
"This course may be a bit out of your league. Do you have any experience at
all working with tools?"
"What exactly do you mean?" Mitzi asked.
"Well, for example, do you know the difference between a nail, a screw and a
bolt?" the teacher expounded.
After pondering for a moment, Mitzi said,
"Kinda, but I'm not totally sure."
"Which one is confusing you?" asked the teacher.
"Well," said Mitzi, "since I've never been 'bolted'"


"I had to break up with my boyfriend. I caught him lying."
"Isn't that a bit overboard? At least give him a chance to explain."
"Oh no! I caught him lying in bed one top of another woman."