Random Thoughts By Women

1) If men can run the world,
Why can't they stop wearing neckties?
How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?

2) I know what Victoria's Secret is.
The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.

3) I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are:
Eating too much,
Impulse buying
&
Driving too fast.
Are they kidding?
That is my idea of a perfect day.

4) The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing
(and then they marry him.)

5) They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies.
Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I
said,
"Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?"
Clear as a bell my body said,
"Listen witch ... Do it and die."

6) A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills.
She had 14 kids,
But she doesn't really care.

7) Skinny people irritate me!
Especially when they say things like,
"You know sometimes I just forget to eat,"
Now I've forgotten my address,
My mother's maiden name,
&
My keys.
But I've never forgotten to eat.
You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.

8) Amazing!
You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!

9) I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and
setting my pantyhose on fire.

10) Sometimes, I think I understand everything,
Then, I regain consciousness.

11) Just when I was getting used to yesterday,
Along came today.

12) The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then,
Your body and your fat are really good friends.

13) The nice part about living in a small town is that
When you don't know what you're doing,
Someone else does.

14) The best way to forget all your troubles is
To wear tight shoes.

15) My mind not only wanders,
It sometimes leaves completely.

16) One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy
Can make a woman gain 5 LBS.

17) Women over 50 don't have babies
Because they would put them down and forget where they left them.

18) Reason to smile:
Every 7 minutes of every day,
Someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.