I FIXED THE

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Year`s Eve party.    We
turned on a night light, switched the answering machine on, covered our pet
parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi.    The car arrived and
we opened the front door to leave the house.
As we walked out of the door, the cat scoots back into the house.    We
didn`t want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the
bird.
My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went back inside to get the cat.
The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.
Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn`t want the cab driver to know that the
house will be empty for the night.
So, she explains to the driver that I will be out soon, "He`s just going
upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."
A few minutes later, I get into the cab.   "Sorry I took so long,"  I said
as we drove away.
"That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed.    I had to poke her arse with
a coat hanger to make her come out!     She tried to take off so I grabbed
her by the neck.
Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me.    But
it worked!   I hauled her fat arse down the stairs and threw her out into
the backyard!
She`d better not shit in the vegetable garden again!"
 The silence in the cab was deafening!