XXX ADULT PUNS!

There was an old man from Peru,
Who fell asleep in his canoe.
While dreaming of Venus,
He played with his penis,
And awoke in a boat full of goo.

How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you  lose
your house.

A first grader comes home and announces to his father that he had sex with
his teacher.
Well, his father's chest just swells with pride and he says to his son,
"I was a freshman in college before I had sex with my teacher. I'm proud of
you son. You know that bicycle that you've been wanting for so long. I'm
going to take you out and buy it for you today."
His son says,
"Well if it's all the same to you dad, I'd rather go tomorrow. My ass is
still sore."

Confucius Say:
Pedophile's love Halloween because of "Free home delivery".

Two poor kids were invited by a rich kid to a swimming party at his pool.
When they were changing into their swim trunks, one turned to the other and
said:
"Did you notice the small dicks on the rich kids?"
The other answered:
"Yeah! It's probably because they have toys to play with!"

Horizon:
A Prostitute getting out of bed.
A man was on trial for selling drugs, and a neighbour was called as a
witness.
The defence attorney asked,
"Did you ever get any cocaine or other drugs from the defendant?"
"No sir," answered the man.
"Did you ever get any from his wife?"
"No sir."
"Did you ever get any from his daughters?"
"Uh - excuse me sir," the witness said, "but we're still talking about drugs
here, right?"


For a few years an old gentleman had been fighting a persistent plantar wart
on the ball of his foot and big toe.
He'd tried everything -- over-the-counter treatments, soaking, pumice
stones, and freezing.
In desperation, he asked his new doctor about the problem, and the doctor
suggested he put duct tape on it.
When he got home, he looked up duct tape for wart treatment and found that
it is as good if not better than other treatments,
So he put duct tape on it.
Two weeks later the wart was gone.
The next time he saw the doctor, he thanked him and asked if there was
anything that duct tape can't fix.
The doctor paused a second, and without looking up said,
"Erectile dysfunction."

Blondes prefer cars with sunroofs because they have more leg room.

Two little boys were engaging in the traditional verbal battle of little
boys everywhere:
"My father is better than your father!"
"No, he's not!"
'My brother is better than your brother!"
"No, he's not!"
"My mother is better than your mother!"
A pause.
"Well, I guess you've got me there. My father says the same thing."