XX - ADULT PUNS!

A young Aussie joins the navy.
On the day he is about to go to sea, his father warned him to be aware
of gay sailors.
"But dad, how will I know?"
"Trust me son, you will know."
After 6 months at sea, the ship comes into port.
The father was on the dock waiting for his son.
The son, seeing his father, got off the ship and shook his hand.
"Well on, how did it go?"
"Dad, I found out what you meant about gay sailors. One night I was
out on deck all alone when a man came by and put his hand on my
shoulder so I threw him overboard."
"But how could you tell he was gay?"
"Well, for 3 days he swam behind the boat yelling,
"Throw me a buoy, throw me a buoy!"

A young lady asked the Scotsman what he wore under his kilt.
"Reach up there and find out."
She did, but quickly pulled her hand back out and said,
"Oh, it's gruesome!"
"Aye, it has," replied the Scotsman, "and if you put your hand back up
there, it'll grow some more!"

Male prostitutes are always hard at work.

When Bobby turned 16, his big brother Luke decided to turn him into a
`Real Man'.
Luke took Bobby down to the local whorehouse and explained to Bobby:
"Yer gonna be a `Real Man' now. No more chasen yer sister, or hide'n
in the barn. Thair's real wimen in thair, now go git one." and sent
him inside.
Once inside, Bobby explained to the madam that he needed a `Real
Woman' so he could become a `Real Man'.
The madam smiled at him:
"Don't worry, my boy, we'll get a nice lass ta take care of ya" she
promised. "Ya just do your part and make sure ya wear one of these."
at that, the madam took a condom out of a drawer, unwrapped it, and
showed him how to put it on, by rolling it down over her thumb.
Bobby, properly armed, parted with the money his brother gave him, and
dashed up the stairs to Room Twelve, where a cheerful farmgirl quickly
showed him the ropes.
After he'd come, the farmgirl came out with a frown all over her face.
"The #$^% rubber must have torn," she muttered. "I'm as soaked as a swamp."
"Oh no it didn't M'am" Bobby offered heartily, holding up his thumb as
evidence. "It's as good as new."

A priest was taking a leak in the men's room, when he noticed that
somebody had written on the wall,
"My mother made me a homosexual."
So, he took out a pencil and wrote underneath it,
"If I buy her the material, will she make me one too?"

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was
squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.
She went back to find out what was going on.
He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been
circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.
He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it.
He did it and returned to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.
She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with
his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your mom!" she
said.
"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till
noon, she'd come and pick me up from school

A sweet young thing took her seat on opening day of her college class.
The young man behind her tapped her on the shoulder and said,
"What are you doing, wearing a football jersey?"
She replied,
"Why, I bought it and own it, why shouldn't I wear it?"
He said,
"You're not supposed to wear it unless you've made the team."
"Oh," she replied sweetly, "Who did I miss?

"Will the father be present during the birth?" asked the obstetrician
solicitously.
"Nah," replied the blonde mother to be. "He and my husband don't get along."