XX - Adult Puns!

One morning while making breakfast, a man walks up to his wife and
pinches her on her butt and says,
"You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better
and replied with silence.
The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast and said,
"You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silent response.
So, she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis.
With a death grip in place she said,
"You know if you firmed this up, we could get rid of your brother.

A man and his girlfriend are having a sexual encounter.
He asks her to "go downtown."
So, with a sigh, she gets on her knees in front of him and starts
peering at his genitals, looking and tipping her head this way and
that, studying the whole business.
After a couple minutes of this, he asked her in a sort of peeved voice,
"Well, what the hell are you doing?"
She said,
"I'm doing what I always do when I'm downtown with no money, just looking."

A shapely Finnish girl was a counselor at a girl's camp on Wonder Lake.
She was at the camp a day early to get things in order, and when her
work was done, she thought it would be nice to start a sun tan "au
natural", since this was private property. Suddenly, she heard male
voices!
She jumped up, stood in a crouch, and covered her bosom with crossed arms.
Two young men approached her, asking
"Which way is it to the boy's camp on Wonder Lake?"
She said,
"Oh, I know you guys, you just want me to point, so you can see my titties!"
"No, no," they said, "we just want to know what direction we must go,
we're lost."
"O.K., she said, straightening up, and standing on her right leg and
lifting her left leg horizontally, she said,
"It's over dat way!"

Girl to boy friend:
"I wish you were more like a computer.
At least it goes down more than twice a month."

Two women were sitting in the doctor's waiting room comparing notes on
their various disorders.
"I want a baby more than anything in the world," said the first, "but
I guess it is impossible."
"I used to feel just the same way," said the second. "But then
everything changed. That's why I'm here. I'm going to have a baby in
three months."
"You must tell me what you did."
"I went to a faith healer." "But I've tried that. My husband and I
went to one for nearly a year and it didn't help a bit."
The other woman smiled and whispered,
"Try going alone, next time, dearie."

In order to avoid being called a flirt,
She always yielded easily.

A mountain-boy was brought into court for fighting.
"What's this all about?" asked the judge.
"Well judge," replied the boy, "I was in a phone booth talking to my
gal when this guy comes along and wants to use the phone. He grabbed
me by the neck and threw me out on my head."
"Then you got angry?" asked the judge.
"I was a little sore at that," replied the boy, "but I really got mad
when he grabbed my gal and threw her out too."

A sergeant and two men from his platoon went to a tavern near the base
one night.
The sergeant asked an attractive army nurse to join him in a game of pool.
The nurse said,
"I would rather play with your privates."

Sex is not the answer.
Sex is the question.
"Yes" is the answer.

My friend Felix is still out there job hunting.
He says he always has a problem when filling out the job application
and gets to the part about 'Sex: F or M'. He says he never knows which
to choose --
He says he really likes to 'F', but he spends most of the time alone 'M'-ing.