Riddles and Puns .

RIDDLES

How did the convict escape from jail?
He stepped on a scale and got a weigh

Why was the cook arrested?
For beating the eggs and whipping the cream

Why did the robbers head for the seashore?
They heard the coast was clear.

Why is a bank like a herd of deer?
You can always find a buck in them

What does a slice of bread wear to bed?
Jammies

What kind of cat does a wounded soldier look for?
A first–aid kit

What do you get if you cross a Hawaiian dancer with an Indian brave?
A Hula-whoop

SCHOOL WORK

Define "Armadillo":
To provide weapons to a pickle

Use "Gruesome" in a sentence:
My children GRUESOME squash and radishes in their victory garden last year.

Book Title:
"Saved By The Bell" by Justin Thyme

Warning Labels: Bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner!
No purchase necessary.
Details inside."

Old actors never die,
They just drop a part.

"The door's ajar," said Tom openly.

PUNS & OTHER HUMOUR

More than five million American women are overweight.
These, of course, are round figures.

Have you heard about the guy who threw a clock out the window so he
could see time fly.

"He was as smooth as silk," declared Polly Ester, in a blanket
statement she made about her ex-boyfriend.
"But he tried to pull the wool over my eyes and I don't cotton to that!
He wove a tapestry of lies and I am through with him.
That is vinyl and I can't be suede!"

I broke my finger the other day.
Last night I was playing poker, and lost everything.
It must have been because of my bad hand.

Two men are walking their dogs in a graveyard.
One man turns to the other and says,
"Morning!"
The other man replies
"No, just walking the dog!"

Thinking his son would enjoy seeing the reenactment of a Civil War
battle, my niece's husband took the boy, Will, to the event.
But the poor child was terrified by the booming cannons.
During a lull, Will's dad finally got him calmed down.
That's when the Confederate general hollered,
"Fire at Will!"

After robbing a bank, the blonde rushed home and began sawing off the
legs to her bed. Her husband asked her what she was doing.
"I want to lie low for awhile," she replied.