So Happy It's Thursday... (S.H.I.T.)
A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with
an experienced partner.
A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.
The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing
on a corner.
The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner, people."
A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off
that corner...NOW!"
Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled
stares in his direction.
Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his
partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"
"Pretty good," chuckled the veteran policemen, "especially since this
is a bus stop!"
- - - - -
A young doctor at a small clinic in town was sent miles away to treat
a farmer's son who had chicken pox.
It was his first time out in the country, and he was curious about everything.
When he spotted a well at the side of the house, he walked over to it.
Wanting to see how deep it was, he leaned over and plunged to the bottom.
It took rescuers several hours to pull him to safety.
"I hope you've learned your lesson," said the farmer.
"What lesson is that?" asked the young doctor.
"A doctor should tend to the sick and leave the well alone."
- - - - -
I'm currently between destinations, but that's neither here nor there.
- - - - -
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he
has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
- - - - -
Texas makes me think of the old slogan "Remember the Alamo."
It seems that during that battle, the guy in charge of the whole thing
put his wife, of all people, on the battle line.
She was shot by the enemy, shattered her patella, and had to be
removed from the front line.
After the fighting was over, she divorced her husband, and sued for Alamo knee.
- - - - -
One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea level.
He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear
whatsoever.
The diver went below another 20 ft, but the guy joined him a few minutes later.
The diver went down another 25 ft, but minutes later, the same guy joined him.
This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalk-and-board
set, and wrote, "How the hell are you able to stay under this deep
without equipment?"
The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written,
and wrote, "I'M DROWNING, YOU MORON!!!"
- - - - -
A woman army driver, after a long drive arrived at her destination, a
remote camp, at midnight.
The sergeant on duty showed her where to leave the vehicle, and then said,
"Where will you sleep tonight?"
She said, "Well, the only thing I could do is to sleep in the cab."
The sergeant thought for a moment and said, "It's a cold night, tell
you what, you can have my bunk if you like, I'll sleep on the floor."
The girl eagerly accepted the offer.
After the girl turned in, she felt sorry for the sergeant sleeping
there on the cold hard floor, and offered him to squeeze in alongside
of her on the bunk.
Without much ado, the sarge got in and then said, "Do you want to
sleep single or married?"
The girl giggled and said, "It'd be nice if we slept 'married', don't you?"
"Well okay, if that's what you want, we'll sleep 'married' then," he
said, turning his back on her and fell asleep.
- - - - -
A well-traveled man walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "I'll
bet you $50 that you can mix any cocktail you want without my
knowledge and I can tell you the ingredients!"
The bartender takes up the challenge and mixes up an odd combination.
The man takes a sip and says: "I taste vanilla vodka, Canadian
whiskey, and diet Coke."
The bartender is astonished. "You're right."
He makes another.
"This drink," says the man, "contains Puerto Rican rum, Tab, Dr
Pepper, and gin."
Again, the bartender is amazed at the man's ability.
This goes on for a few more rounds and the bartender has lost a good
bit of money.
He decides to stump the man.
"If I can make a cocktail you can't identify, you have to pay back all
the money I've already given you."
The man agrees and laughs.
The bartender pours a glass of tap water and gives it to the man.
"By golly, you've done it! I have no idea what this is. I can tell you
one thing though: whatever it is, it won't sell!
