XX - ADULT PUNS!

Santa has a huge sack because he only comes once a year.

A man walked into his office and told his male co-workers his wife had
given him an ultimatum: until he quit smoking, he wasn't going to get
any sex.
They asked him,
"How long do you think you'll be able to hold out?"
"Until my girlfriend dies or I get arthritis of the wrist."

"Would you like to play house with us Johnny," asked the bravest of
several girls.
"Sure," replied Little Johnny. "Which one of you is going to be the madam?"

A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made
the "Tickle-Me-Elmo dolls."
It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her
to report for work on Monday and then explained she would be stationed
on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed into boxes.
Monday, they started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut
it down because one worker couldn't keep up.
The boss went down the line to find the problem.
The new employee was very busy trying to do her part but she had a
bunch of dolls waiting for her.
Closer examination showed she was sewing little cloth bags containing
two walnuts in the appropriate place on the dolls.
When the boss could control his laughter he said,
"Lady, I said to give each doll two test tickles."

Mix Viagra and Prozac and you have a guy who is ready to go,
But doesn't really care where.

The United States had to apologize today because in the 1940s, our
government conducted experiments where scientists injected mentally
ill Guatemalan prisoners with syphilis and gonorrhoea.
And Hillary Clinton was the one to make the apology.
It was heartfelt.
She said,
'I know what it's like to go to bed worrying that someone you love has an STD.

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless
experiences go, it's pretty damned good.

A woman's husband always lets her know when he's not getting enough.
The other night when their boys were being particularly rambunctious,
and groping each other, she yelled at them
"In this house, we don't touch each other's privates."
To which her husband replied,
"No kidding."

Never go to bed mad,
Stay up and fight.

I want to complain about the farmer across the road.
Every morning at 5.30, his cock wakes me up, and it is getting too much!