XX - Adult Puns!

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a golf
club wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.
"Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of
golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We
went to look for it, and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of
the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted
up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball, stuck
right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!'"

A man and his wife are watching the boxing on TV.
The husband sighs and says,
"I'm disappointed. It was all over in two minutes!"
The wife replies,
"Good. Now you know how I feel."

Not sure it's still a tradition, but years ago when a college lad was
serious about a girl, he would give her his fraternity pin to wear.
Susan came back to the dorm and told her roomie,
"Well, it finally happened. Frank pinned me."
Her roomie turned on the lights and said,
"Congratulations! Oh, let me see it."
Confused, Susan replied,
"Let you see what?"

Remember,
If you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Genuine 911 Call: Woman:
"I just had a baby and the doctor told me to do those Kegel exercises
- you know to tighten up things down there."
Dispatcher:
"Yes, ma'am, I understand. Are you in pain?"
"No, no, no. It's not that. It's just that every time I do those
exercises I have an orgasm." "I'm sorry, did you say 'orgasm'?"
"Yes. Am I doing them right?"
"Sounds like it to me!"

If a elephant comes in your window, learn to swim.

A star college basketball center married one of the school's cheerleaders.
The coach said,
"You're such a big guy. Why did you marry such a petite woman? She's
no bigger than your hand."
"That's right, Coach," replied the star, "but she's much better!"

The difference between medium and rare?
Six inches is medium,
Eight inches is rare.

Everybody likes a little ass,
But nobody likes a smart ass.