Oh! those Lawyers...

TRUTH and MONEY

The truth will set you free… Then again, so will money.

LIGHT BULB LAWYER

How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?

Three–one to turn the bulb, one to shake him off the ladder, and the
third to sue the ladder company.

CHECKBOOK LAWYER

An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take some of his
money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his
bedside. "Here's $90,000 cash, $30,000 to be held by each of you. I
trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my
money with me."

At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. The priest
suddenly broke into tears and confessed, "I had only put $20,000 into
the envelope because I needed $10,000 for a new baptistery."

"Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only
put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the
hospital which cost $20,000."

The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. He
whipped out his Checkbook from his jacket pocket, wrote a an Account
Payee Only Check for $90,000, put it in an envelope, sealed it, and
placed it on the coffin and took back the other two envelopes and put
them into his pocket.

LYING LAWYERS

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Watch his lips. If they are moving you can bet he is lying.

LAWYERS & COLD WEATHER

How do you tell if it is REALLY cold outside?

A lawyer has his hands in his OWN pockets