XX - Adult Puns!

The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.

The judge asked the woman why she wanted a divorce:
There was no sign that the husband was cruel, or wandering, or any of
the usual things that lead to this situation.
The woman replied that she was seeking the divorce on grounds of hobosexuality!
The judge, trying to stifle his laughter, asked,
"Don't you mean homosexuality?"
"No!" she replied, "I mean hobosexuality... he's a bum lay!"

Mother to child:
"It's OK to mix peas and corn, but don't call it porn."

My girlfriend was in labour with our first child.
She was shouting,
"Get this out of me! Give me the drugs."
She looked at me and said,
"You did this to me you bastard!"
I casually replied,
"If you would care to remember, I wanted to stick it up your ass but
you said, "It'll be too painful."

Chefs will tell you the best reason for pounding meat is loneliness.

A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready for work when
the husband looked a t his wife and said,
"I gotta have you!"
He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties
and ravaged her. He knew he was doing great because she screamed and
wiggled more than she ever had before.
When he finished, he started putting his clothes back on and when he
noticed his wife still writhing against the door he said,
"That was the best, honey. You've never moved like that before, you
didn't hurt yourself did you?"
His wife said,
"No, no. I'll be OK once I can get the doorknob out of my ass."

Just got scammed out of $25.
Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled:
"My Favorite 18 Holes."
Turns out it's about golf.
Absolute waste of money.