XX - ADULT PUNS!

Birth control pills are deductible only if they don't work.

Effie was a faithful maid who worked for an old spinster for a few years.
One day, she Announced that she could only work until noon because she
had to take her son to the doctor.
"But Effie, I didn't know you were married. I thought you were an old
maid like me."
"I ain't married, and I am an old maid. But I ain't the fussy kind."

I see sales for Viagra are way down.
I guess all those old guys finally figured out that sex with an old
woman is not worth $20.

There ARe a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual
arousal, particularly in women.
Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

An old man just had a heart transplant and was getting instructions
from his doctor.
He was placed on a strict diet, denied tobacco and alcohol, and
advised to get at least eight hours sleep a night.
"What about my sex life?" asked the old man "Will it be all right for
me to have intercourse?"
"Only with your wife," said the doctor. "We don't want you to get too excited."

Confucius said:
Man with tight trousers, pressing his luck.

Door bell rings.
The man from next door says, he needs help.
His wife is having a seizure.
Next door, on the floor the wife is naked and thrashing about wildly.
The man says help me hold her down.
Once the wife's limbs are pinned the man rips off his clothes.
"When I climb on let her loose!"

What's the deal with incense.
It smells like somebody set fire to a clothes hamper.
Gym socks and jasmine.
Do we need that smell?
You know what incense smells like?
If flowers could fart.