XX - ADULT PUNS!

Mary went to the doctor complaining of body odour.
"Do you wash?" the doc asked the rank young girl.
"Oh, yes," Mary answered. "Each morning, I start at my head and wash
down as far as possible.
Then, I start at my feet and wash up as far up as possible."
"Well," the doc concluded, "go home and wash possible."

Have you heard about Bernard, the brown-nosed reindeer.
He's second in line to Rudolph.
He's just as fast, but can't stop as quick.

A young couple were making passionate love in the guy's van when
suddenly the girl, being a bit on the kinky side, yells out,
"Oh big boy, whip me, whip me!"
The guy, not wanting to pass up this unique opportunity, obviously did
not have any whips to hand, but in a flash of inspiration, he opens
the window, snaps the antenna off his van and proceeds to whip the
girl until they both collapse in sado-masochistic ecstasy.
About a week later, the girl notices that the marks left by the
whipping session are starting to fester a bit so she goes to the
doctor.
The doctor takes one look at the wounds and asks,
"Did you get these marks having sex?"
The girl is a little embarrassed but admits that she did.
Nodding his head knowingly the doctor exclaims,
"I thought so, because in all my years of doctoring... You've got the
worst case of van aerial disease that I've ever seen!"

Men aren't attracted to me by my mind.
They're attracted to me by what I don't mind.

A guy walks into a bar, and after a while the bartender starts griping.
"You see this little figurine I whittled?
I made it myself.
But they don't call me 'Joe the wood carver.'
And you see that big SWordfish on the wall?
Caught that one myself.
But they don't call me 'Joe the fish catcher.'
Hell, they don't even call me 'Joe the Bartender.'
But you Fxxk one sheep... "

You can easily pick out a paranoid Woman.
She's the one putting a Condom on her Vibrator.

In bowling, what's a perfect score?
Ralph, the pin boy.

The science teacher was discussing insects in her biology class for the kids.
She said,
"Moths always fly with their legs apart. Can anybody tell me why?"
Some of the students looked at each other in a state of total confusion.
Then, Johnny raised his hand.
When called upon, he said,
"Miss, have you ever seen the size of moth balls?"

A man was rushed to hospital when a bizarre sex game went wrong,
leaving him with 6 toy horses stuck up his ass.
Doctors described his condition as stable.