XX - Adult Puns!

Little Johnny's teacher decided that the children should learn about mime.
So, she had each of them develop a speech, which was to be relayed by
using motion only.
When Little Johnny's turn came, he stood up in front of the class:
"Ladies (grabbing chest) and gentlemen (grabbing crotch)..."
Little Johnny's teacher wasn't amused.
So, she sent him to the Principal's office.
Little Johnny explained what happened.
So, the sympathetic Principal told him to revise his speech as follows:
"Ladies (motioning woman's curves) and gentlemen (making a muscle with
his arm)..." Little Johnny went back to class and proceeded to give
his speech again:
"Ladies (motioning woman's curves) and gentlemen (making a muscle with
his arm), it gives me great pleasure (whacking-off motion)..."

A woman had a number of affairs with different men all in one evening.
Six, all told.
No, that's not true one kept his mouth shut.

The gay tattoo artist had designs on most of the local sailors.

The eyeliner and blush were subtle.
The eye shadow and lipstick matched.
I thought I looked very pretty, but my girlfriend was completely disgusted.
So much for makeup sex being the best sex you'll ever have.

Once a king, always a king, but once a knight is enough.

It was the young Englishman's first visit to Las Vegas and, in his
innocence, he sought lodging in the city's red-light district.
His money, however, was as green as his outlook, and the madam gladly
offered him a room for the night.
When a friend questioned him about his accommodations over lunch the
following day, the young Briton replied,
"Well, the room was not very pretentious, you know, but gad, what maid service!"

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to the gynaecologist.
The doctor takes one look at the woman and all of his professionalism
goes out the window.
He immediately asks her to undress.
After she has disrobed, the doctor begins stroking her thigh.
"Do you know what I'm doing?" he asks.
"Yes," she replies. "You're checking for any abrasions or abnormalities."
"That's right," says the doctor.
Emboldened, he then begins to fondle her breasts.
"Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"You're checking for any lumps or breast cancer," she replies.
"Correct," says the doctor.
Deciding to go for broke, he mounts her and begins having sex with her.
"Do you know what I'm doing now?"
"Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes-which is what I came here
about in the first place."

What does a Jewish woman say just before she has an orgasm?
"Sorry Mom, but I have to hang up now!"

The sweet young thing had invited two boy friends to dinner.
The next course was the fish, and as she put the platter on the dining
table she asked one of the young men:
"What part do you like?"
"I'll have a piece just back of the head," he answered.
The other smirked:
"I'd rather have a piece of tail."