XX - Adult Puns!

A blonde I know dated only oversexed men.
She didn't have a lazy bone in her body.

A Scottish couple was walking across the meadows.
The girl looked at the guy and shyly asked,
"Would you like to hold my hand?"
"Uh... Well yes." the boy said, "But how did you know?"
She said,
"By the gleam in your eye."
They walked a little further and the girl said,
"Would you like to kiss me?"
"Oh, my yes!" replied the boy, "But how did you know?"
She said,
"By the gleam in your eye."
As they got to the stream, they sat on a stump, the girl looked at the
boy and asked, "Would you like to go all the way with me?"
"Well, oh, my gosh, yes! (gulp) Yes! But how did you know? By the
gleam in my eye?" "No," replied the girl, "by the tilt in your kilt."

The four newlyweds spent their honeymoon at Niagara Falls.
They occupied adjoining rooms, sat at the same table, and were inseparable.
One evening after dinner as they were returning to their rooms, there
was lightning and the lights went off.
It was pitch dark, and groping their way they made it to their rooms,
and quietly undressed.
Jack a religious fellow knelt to pray.
Just as he completed his prayer, the lights came on that he saw that
he was with his friend's wife.
He jumped up and dashed for the door -
"Too late to hurry now," said the girl "Joe never prays!"

A good girl keeps her eye on the clock;
A bad girl keeps her eye on the calendar.

The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their
dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model.
The husband had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbour
and it seemed to the wife that it always took him way too long to
return.
One time, the wife had had enough and actually pounded on the wall
between the two apartments.
There being no response she telephoned, only to get the answering machine.
Finally, she went to the model's door and just kept ringing the bell.
When the model answered, the wife fumed,
"I would like to know why it is my husband takes so damn long to get
something over here."
"Well sweetie," the model purred, "all these interruptions sure ain't
helping none either."

Men are like mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

To make it stand,
You wet it!
To make it wet,
You suck it!
To make it stiff,
You lick it!
To get it in,
You push it!
Damn!
Threading a needle when you're older is a bitch!

Wet Dream:
A snorgasm.

A man is walking through the park one day when he comes across a guy
sitting on a park bench crying his eyes out.
"What's wrong?" asks the passerby, sitting down next to the crying man.
"I have a twenty-five inch dick," says the sober.
"So why the hell are you crying? Most guys would kill for one that
big!" said the confused Good Samaritan.
"I'm crying," he explains sadly, "because it takes me a week to get a hard-on."

The author of the book "Joy of Sex" died after a series of strokes.

Little Matthew was 6 years old and was staying with his grandmother
for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came
into the house and asked her,
'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room
and one is on top of the other?'
She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth.
'It's called sexual intercourse, darling.'
Little Matthew said,
'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,
'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse, it's called Bunk Beds.
And Jimmie's mom wants to talk to you."

Salespeople have a way with their tongues.