Puns of the Day...

There probably aren't many Jewish girls dancing at Radio City Music Hall,
But it doesn't take a Rockette Zionist to figure that out.

Recently, fish and game officials in South Florida cracked down on
folks catching more than their limit of certain types of fish.
Wardens stopped a guy, made him open the trunk of his new Grand
Marquis sedan and then fined him $1,000 for possessing an
overabundance of' game fish.
It is the first time in history a penalty has been levied for the
level of fish in a Mercury.

Did you hear about the moron who took his pregnant wife to the grocery
store because he heard they had free delivery?

The Village Historical Society in the little Connecticut town
presented a special exhibition the week of the 27th.
A room in the library was set aside for "Ships in Bottles" constructed
by Jim Whitson's great-great-grandfather from around 1855 to 1890.
"You'll note," said old Mr. Tenton, the local historian (and probably
the most knowledgeable resource on the topic in the entire state),
"that in many of the bottles there are two ships.
Tobias Whitson had more than enough time and resources to construct
the ships -- but he found to his chagrin that a good bottle, back
then, clear and uncoloured, and free of defects, cost a pretty penny.
"Having said that, he produced a number of ships over the years, most
of which scattered around the Northeast, although samples of his work
have been found as far off as Mobile, Alabama.
As he progressed toward his later years, however, the ships got larger
and larger, and more ornate and detailed.
And while they gr ew too large to share a bottle, at the same time his
fortunes were growing and bottles were easier to come by.
"This one, for instance," said Tenton, pointing to a three-masted
square-rigger nearly eighteen inches long, "is clearly in a glass by
itself."

I tried to talk my daughter into the idea of having a permanent but
we're not on the same wave length.

Everyone knows that a good wine should be properly aged, but not many
people realize that wine should not go into storage as soon as it's
bottled.
There's a certain amount of settling that needs to take place before
each case is locked away in the vault to age.
As Orson Welles so famously put it,
"We will cellar no wine before its time."
"Should I add 'Gone With the Wind' to my video collection of classic
film heroes?"
Tom asked rhetorically.

In the ancient city of Hurraburu in the land of Nippon, many of the
buildings were built on stilts because of the frequent rain which
flooded the streets to great depths.
Entry to the houses was gained using ramps leading to the first
floors, well above the flood marks.
On occasion, there would be high winds accompanying the rain and the
wooden inclines would be hurled on their sides.
An elderly workman was employed by the city to do nothing else but
place them back into position so the taxpayers would not be
inconvenienced.
Far and wide, he was known as the old ramp righter.

My dad complained to my mom about his recurrent back pain.
She told him,
"Maybe you should take Aleve."
He responded,
"It's not so bad that I need to take time off work!"

The young male race horse came from a long line of winners, and did
wonderfully in time trials.
However, in actual races he proved a little too romantic, and could
never quite bring himself to pass a mare.
So, one day the trainer went to him and told him he'd have to be castrated.
The young horse, knowing that it was either this or the glue factory,
took it philosophically. After all, having the operation was almost a
certain guarantee of a long and illustrious racing career.
After a short recovery period, the horse was again run in time trials,
and found to do as well as ever.
But the first time he actually ran in a race, he only went about ten
paces, before getting a dejected look on his face, turning around, and
ambling back to the starting gates.
"What's the matter?" asked the trainer, "you were doing great!"
"Yeah, well how would you feel" replied the horse, "if five thousand
people took one look at you and shouted 'they're off!'?"

He speculated in goose futures but lost a fortune in a down market.