XX - Adult Puns!

Incest:
A relatively boring game for the whole family to play.

A woman went to the doctor and complained that she was suffering from
knee pains.
"Do you indulge in any activity that puts a lot of pressure on your
knees?" asked the doctor.
"Every night, my husband and I have sex on the floor doggy style."
"I see," said the doctor. "You know, there are plenty of other sexual
positions?"
"Not if you want to watch TV there isn't!"

"But my elderly aunt was considered a highly respectable spinster!"
the society matron protested.
"Can't you find some way to cover up the shocking fact that she died
in bed while being simultaneously serviced by two paid studs?"
"You just leave it to me, Mrs. Van Horn," soothed the police officer.
"I'll just put it in my report that she died at the stroke of two."

One determined young woman finally got so fed up with her shy
boyfriend's fumbling advances she decided to put him in her place.

Three sisters; Ann, Jan and Fanny all have very big feet.
Ann has size 8's.
Jan has size 9's and
Fanny has size 10's.
Ann and Jan go on a double date with two guys.
One of the lads notices the large feet and comments.
'Bleeding hell you both have very big feet.'
Ann replies,
'You should see our Fanny's. They're huge!!'

According to my mother, she and Dad decided to start a family soon
after he became an officer in the Air Force.
When months went by without success, they consulted the base
physician, who chose to examine Mom right then and there.
"Please disrobe," he told her.
"With him in the room??" she yelled, pointing to my father.
Turning to Dad, the doctor said,
"Captain, I think I found the problem."

The middle-aged woman sought help from her doctor.
"All my husband does is complain that I never want to have sex with
him. And he's right too. I have no desire at all."
The doctor gave her a prescription and told her to return for a visit
in two weeks.
After the two weeks were up, she bounced smiling into his office.
"Those pills were great Doc, I'm doin' it twice a night now."
"That's wonderful." said the doctor, "What does you husband say now?"
"How should I know?" she replied. "I ain't been home yet."

Prostitute to arresting officer:
"I'm not selling sex. I'm selling condoms with free demonstration."

One day the teacher asked her students to use the word "contagious" in a phrase.
Sarah lifts up her hand and says,
"Teacher, teacher I got one!! A cold is contagious!"
The teacher is very happy.
Tom lifts up his hand and says,
"Teacher... Yawning is contagious"...
"Pretty good Tom!!"
Finally, little Johnny lifts up his hand and says,
" Oh... Oh... I got one... The other day, as my mother was mowing the
lawn, my father looked out the window and said it will take that
contagious to finish!!"