XX - Adult Puns!

"When I see a monk's ass I just grab it."
Said the lazily amorous abbot.
"Although it's more fun
To have sex with a nun,
It's so hard to get into the habit!"

Define "Transistor":
A monk who has had a sex-change operation in order to become a nun.

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known Lover's Lane spot.
He sees a car with the interior light glowing.
The cop approaches the car to get a closer look, and sees a young man
behind the wheel reading a computer magazine, and young woman in the
rear seat knitting.
Puzzled, the cop gently raps on the driver's window.
The young man lowers his window.
"Uh, yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?"
"Well, Officer, I'm reading a magazine."
"And her, what is she doing?"
"Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater."
The cop is totally confused, a young couple alone in a car at night in
Lover's Lane, and nothing is happening!
The cop asks,
"What's your age, young man?"
"I'm 22, sir." "And her, what's her age?"
The young man looks at his watch and replies:
"She'll be 18, in 11 minutes."

A nun bicycled over a long street of cobblestones.
She never came that way again.

The old man stood at the gates of the cemetery and wept.
A passer-by stopped to comfort him.
"Why are you crying?" the latter asked softly.
"My daughter is laying in there," explained the weeping one.
"Sometimes I wish she was dead."

An early method of contraception was to put stones in your shoes.
It made you limp.

After working together for a while, Dick and Jane's office romance
blossomed, and they really developed the 'hots' for each other.
One day, they seize the opportunity to sneak into a supply closet to
consummate their lust.
Dick finds Jane very dificult to "make" love to.
When they are finished, Dick says to her,
"If I had known you were a virgin, I would have taken more time!"
To which Jane replies,
"If I'd have known you had more time, I would have taken off my pantyhose!"

A guy walks into a print shop and immediately decides to hit on the
large-breasted blonde clerk.
"By the way, do you keep stationery?"
"I always try to," she answers, "but at the last second I just go crazy!"

Nurses make poor lovers because they always wait for the swelling to go down!

Jill asks her mother,
"Can I go over to Rosey's house and watch the magic show?"
"Whatever do you mean, dear?" "
The one she performs. I heard her tell Nina she got $600 for doing six
tricks last night."

"Mom, hey, Mom! Lennie passed his bar exam so we're going to get
married next week!" The bride-to-be was ecstatic.
"Gee, Jill, don't you think you two should wait till he's been
practicing for a year or so?" cautioned her mother.
"Oh Mom," said the bride with a blush, "we've been practicing."

Some medical authorities maintain that sex is bad for one.
I agree!
Sex is bad for one.
But it's great for two.

On Saturday nights,
Arabs sit under palm trees and eat their dates

Jack had a blind date with Jill for the prom and, as the evening
progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her.
After some really passionate embracing, he said:
"Tell me, do you object to making love?"
"That is something I have never done before," Jill replied.
"Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?" Jack was amazed.
"No, silly!" she giggled. "I've never objected!"

Back in the Wood Age, the few progressive whittlers who tested the
first condoms learned painfully that love is a many-splintered thing.