Puns of the Day...

Did you know that some insects lose the distal portions of their
extremities due to poor blood supply.
It is particularly true that you can observe insects who lack toes in
taller ants.

Did you hear about the Indian chief who traded in his forty year old
squaw for two twenty year olds?
A couple of weeks later a couple of fellow braves saw him back with
his forty year old squaw.
They said,
"What happened to your two twenty year olds?"
The Chief replied,
"Me no wired for 220!"

Did you hear about the blonde that thought that peter pan was
something for under the bed.

I'm an obstetric nurse at a large city hospital, where our patients
are from many different countries and cultures.
One day, while waiting for a new mother to be transferred to our
division, I checked the chart and assume that because of her last
name, she was of European descent.
So, when she was finally wheeled in, I was surprised to see that she was Asian.
As I was performing the exam, we chatted and she told me she was
Chinese and her husband's ethnic heritage was Czech.
After a short pause she quipped,
"I guess that makes my baby a Chinese Czecher!"

Men are like government Bonds.
They take so long to mature.

Jimmy was sent to prison for his crimes but he told the warden he
wasn't worried at all about serving his full term.
The warden asked him why, since most prisoners immediately start
planning how they can get out early.
Jimmy replied,
"Well, my wife has never let me finish a sentence the whole time I've
been married!"

Old white water rafters never die,
They just get disgorged.

A very thirsty man goes into a bar.
As he's sitting down, he hears the man next to him tell the bartender,
"I'll have another waterloo."
The bartender gives the fellow a tall, well-iced drink, then asks the
newcomer what he would like to drink.
Thinking the other man's drink may be a specialty of the house, he says,
"I'll have a waterloo, too."
The bartender gives him the tall, well-iced drink and the customer
takes a big drink.
"Hey," he says. "This isn't any good. It tastes just like water!"
The man next to him looks at the bartender and says,
"Well, it is water. Right, Lou"?

Malaria:
Several shopping centres close to each other

There are two important corrections to the information in the update
on our Deep Relaxation professional development program.
"First, the program will include meditation, not medication."
"Second, it is experiential, not experimental."

The history of chemistry is sordid:
There are ampoule accounts of vial behaviour.

A young lawyer decided that his life needed a hobby.
Since his buddies talked about sailing, he thought he'd give it a go.
He went to the local boat show and asked a lot of questions.
Everything seemed to be going well when he said,
"How do you dock the boat?"
The salesman replied,
"Well, you really don't dock the sailboat, you tie it up to a float
just beyond the dock. This way you don't bang up the finish on the
craft."
"Well then," the lawyer asked, "How do you get out to the sailboat?"
"Good question."
The salesman told him that you can get a small raft and paddle out to
the boat, or just walk out to the boat, if you don't mind getting wet.
"Oh, I get it," the lawyer replied. "It's Row vs Wade."

Warning Labels:
Liquid Plumber:
"Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages."

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said,
"We were the first in space!"
The American said,
"We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said,
"So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied,
"We're not stupid, you know, we're going at night!"