Wednesday Laffs!

Subject: 12 Reasons to Smile

1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into
my OWN pants.

2. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said
"Implants?" She hit me.

3. How come we choose from just two people to run for President and
over fifty for Miss Sri Lanka?

4. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but a true
friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow...that was fun!"

5. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear
loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I
wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

6. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

7. Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell
the difference.

8. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could
simply press '<Ctrl Alt Delete>' (or <Start Shutdown Restart> for
mouse freaks) and start all over?

9. Why is it that our children can't read tyhe Scripture in school,
but they can in prison?

10. Wouldn't you know it... Brain cells come and brain cells go, but
FAT cells live forever.

11. Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten
Commandments cannot be displayed outside? (for those in the USA)

12. And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper (for those who
dont wash, only). The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.