jokes
An old couple was sitting down and the wife decided
to strike up a conversation.
She asked her husband, "Have you ever cheated on
me?
It's all over, so just tell me." He answers "No,
and you?"
"Well, remember that time you got fired and then
rehired? Well, I visited your boss."
"Is that all," he asks.
"No, remember that time you wanted a raise and your
boss refused.
I talked to the head of the company in his bed."
"Please tell me that's all," asks her husband.
"No, do you remember when you ran for town
legislator and you were 150 votes short?!"
-----------------------
A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife
Is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to
Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with
anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you
think I should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and
calm down. Now, tell me, where exactly is Larry's
bar?"
------------------
An e-mail computer virus swept across the globe
That automatically opens pornographic websites on the
victim's screen. Authorities intend to track down
the hackers responsible for the virus just as soon as somebody
complains. ----------------
Three old men were sitting around and talking. The
80 year-old said, "The best thing that could happen
to me would just to be able to have a good pee. I
stand there for twenty minutes, and it dribbles and
hurts. I have to go over and over again." The 85
year-old said, "The best thing that could
happen to me is if I could have one good bowel
movement. I take every kind of laxative I can get
my hands on and it's still a problem." Then the 90
year-old said, "That's not my problem.
Every morning at 6:00 am sharp, I have a good long
pee. At 6:30 am sharp I have a great bowel
movement.
The best thing that could happen to me would be if
I could wake up before 7:00 am."
--------------------
A burglar breaks into a house in the ritzier area
Of town. He's sure that there's nobody home but he
sneaks in, doesn't turn on any lights and heads for
where he thinks the valuables are kept. He hears a
voice say, "I can see you! Jesus can see
you, too!" He freezes in his tracks! He doesn't
move a muscle! A couple of minutes go by. The voice repeats "I can
see you! Jesus can see you, too!" He slowly takes
out his flashlight, switches it on
and looks around the room. He sees a bird cage with
a parrot in it. "Did you say that?" The parrot says
again, "I can see you! Jesus can see
you, too!" "Hah! So what?! You're just a parrot!"
says the burglar. "I may be just a parrot", replies the
parrot. "But Jesus is a Doberman!"
