XXX - Adult Puns!

The Cabin Boy, the Captain's Joy;
A cunning little nipper.
They filled his xxx
With broken glass
And circumcised the Skipper.

As the high school teacher was correcting essays and read,
"Pedro jumped on his burrow and rode off into the sunset."
She wrote at the bottom of the page,
"You obviously have problems with homonyms. A burrow is a hole in the
ground. A burro is an ass. At your age, if you don't know your ass
from a hole in the ground, you're gonna be in big trouble!"

Taxidermist:
A man who mounts animals.

A new mortuary in a tough mill town decided to advertise in an
unorthodox fashion, and so draped a banner on the front of their
building that read:
"Our Staff will stuff your Stiff."
Not to be outdone, the madam across the street had her girls respond
with a banner too: "Our Stuff will stiff your Staff."

Hooker:
"I'm not selling sex, officer. I'm selling condoms with a free demonstration"

Mr. Johnson goes to see a psychiatrist to complain about his oversexed wife.
Mr. Johnson confides to the shrink,
"Mrs. Johnson will stop at nothing to satisfy her lustful, kinky
desires and bottomless sexual cravings. What can I do?"
The psychiatrist says,
"Please tell Mrs. Johnson I'd like her to make an appointment with me
immediately."

When two lesbians make love.
It doesn't mean dick.

The managers of the A1 Steak Sauce company were impressed by their new
billboard.
It showed a handsome-husband-type seated in front of a large plate of
steak and potatoes in a smart restaurant.
A pretty, buxom young waitress was standing over him, handing him a
bottle of A1. Originally, they had titled the billboard,
"What Does She Know About Your Husband That You Don't?"
But after complaints from members of the board, that the ad was too
suggestive, they changed the headline.
Now it reads:
"He Gets It Downtown, Why Not Give It To Him At Home?"

Some guys call theirs Dick or Peter, John Thomas or Willie.
I don't have to call mine anything,
It usually comes without being called.

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was
squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.
She went back to find out what was going on.
He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been
circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.
He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it.
He did it and returned to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.
She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with
his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your mom!" she
said.
"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till
noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.

The three stages of sex in marriage:
Tri-weekly;
Try-weekly;
Try-weakly.

It was really something else, man!" said the cadet policeman to his partner.
"When I was off duty Saturday night, I went to this big party, see,
and pretty soon I noticed this fabulous little bird giving me the eye.
Then she asked me to take her home. And just as soon as we were in the
car, she unzipped me and went right down on the old fella - and I
still didn't even know her name."
"So what did you do?" asked the other cop.
"Well, I figured this was one situation where I'd shoot first and ask
questions afterward."