Puns of the Day...

Obese supervisor named Kent
One day to a fat farm was sent.
Situation was dire;
Round his waist, huge spare tire.
He struggled with middle management.

Excuses:
"Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating."

Here's a true story:
Beth, a high school English teacher in Maine, lived with her friend
Sam, an intelligent golden retriever.
One day, Beth's mother was riding in the back seat of the car with
Sam, who insisted on leaning on Mother.
Mother told Sam to
"Lay down and behave."
No action.
Mother repeated,
"Lay down, Sam."
Still no response.
Then, Beth commanded,
"Lie down, Sam," and down the dog went.
He was, after all, the companion of an English teacher.

It's so simple to be wise.
Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.
An English major was being released from prison.
The nice looking female clerk was about to give him the $100.00 they
give to all released prisoners.
Since the inmate had not had female attention for a long time, he
suggested that she could keep the money if she would have sex with
him.
He was immediately re arrested and thrown back into jail.
Everybody knows you should never end a sentence with a proposition.

Headline:
Dr. Ruth To Talk About Sex With Newspaper Editors

A Sunday school teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their
favourite Old Testament bible story.
As she moved around the class, she saw many wonderful drawings being created.
Then, she came to Paul, who had drawn a bearded old man driving an old car.
In the back seat were two passengers, both naked.
The teacher said,
"It's an interesting picture, Paul, but which Bible story does it tell?"
Paul seemed surprised at the question and said,
"Well, it says in the bible that God drove Adam and Eve out of the
Garden of Eden in a Fury. And that is a '59 Plymouth Fury just like
grandpa's!"

Dungeons and Dragons is just a load of Saxon violence.

The story concerns a butcher who went into a pet shop.
It seems he fell in love with one the seagulls in the shop.
Alas, he had no money to spend, but the shop owner agreed to give him
the bird in exchange for some of his delicious German sausage.
The deal was made.
It seems he took a tern for the wurst!

If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business
can go down the drain, can a hooker get laid off?

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut
daiquiri on his way home.
The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink
waiting at precisely 5:03 P. M.
One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender
was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract.
Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts
and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took
one sip of the drink and exclaimed,
"This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!"
"No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."

Horse Show -
A lot of horses showing their asses to a lot of horses' asses showing
their horses.

Even though it was warm outside, the heat was on full blast in my
office at the hospital.
I asked our nursing unit secretary to get someone to fix it.
This was a one-man job, so I could not figure out why two guys showed
up -- until I was handed the maintenance request form.
It read
"Head nurse is hot."