XX - Adult Puns!

What counts is not how many animals were killed to make the fur, but
how many animals the woman had to sleep with to get the fur.

Whenever I come home from playing golf, my son always asks me excitedly,
"Did you win, Dad?"
I have explained to him time and time again that you're really just
playing against yourself. This time the family was on vacation and I
had gone out to play a round.
When I returned, the kids were swimming in the hotel pool, which was
full of young kids and surrounded by dozens of parents.
From across the pool, at the top of his lungs, my son yelled,
"Hey Dad! Were you just playing with yourself again?"
We checked out that night.

The two-piece bikini invented to separate:
The meat section from the dairy section.

After many years of bachelorhood, this older gent finds and marries a
beautiful young lady.
On their honeymoon night, she slips into a sheer negligee and a
comfortable bed as he goes into the bathroom to prepare himself for
glory.
Five minutes go by.
Ten minutes go by.
Concerned, the bride goes into the bathroom, where she finds her aged
husband furiously masturbating.
She smiles and says,
"You're married now. You don't have to do that anymore."
Her husband looks at her a bit bewildered and says,
"Oh, I forgot."

Kids born in whorehouses are referred to as brothel sprouts.

"I taught sex education in the South Bronx, and as a sixth grade
teacher I was told to answer all their sex questions.
One kid asked,
'Is there any part of the woman's body known as the Volvo?'
Which I thought was a good question.
I said,
'Only on Swedish women.'"