XX - Adult Puns!

There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke.
After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided
to walk out the next time he started.
The professor got wind of this plot.
So, the next morning he walked in and said,
"Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of
whores in India?"
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
"Wait, ladies," cried the professor. "The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow!"

A blonde and a brunette were standing in an elevator.
A man with dandruff walked in.
The brunette said,
"Somebody needs to give him some Head & Shoulders."
The blonde asked,
"How do you give shoulders?"

The wife approaches her husband wearing the exact same, sexy little
negligee she wore on their wedding night.
She looks at her husband and says,
"Honey, do you remember this?"
He looks up at her and replies,
"Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."
"That's right." she replied. "And do you remember what you said to me
that night?"
He nods and says,
"Yes dear, I still remember."
"Well, what was it?"
"Well honey, as I remember, I said, "Ohhhhhhh, Baby, I'm going to suck
the life out of those big tits and screw your brains out!"
She giggles,
"Yes, that was it. That was exactly what you said. Now it's 50 years
later and I'm in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have
to say tonight?"
He looks her up and down and says,
"Mission accomplished."

A blonde in English class was asked to use "Handsome" in a sentence.
The blonde replied,
"When I'm giving head and my jaw gets sore, I use my handsome."

Little Johnny and his friends were talking about condoms in school one day.
Basically, he knew where they were used and their purpose, but not
much more than that. So, he decided to go to a local drug store to buy
a few in order to learn more about them. As to not waste too much
time, he asked the pharmacist if he had any condoms for sale. The
pharmacist replied,
"Why yes, we have them three for a dollar."
Johnny replied,
"I'll take three then."
When the pharmacist tallied the amount the register, the total came to
one-dollar and six cents.
Johnny said,
"Wait a minute, what's the six cents for, I thought you told me they
were three for a dollar." The pharmacist replied,
"That's the tax we put on them."
Little Johnny said,
"Oh, I thought they stayed on by themselves."