Puns of the Day....

One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the
traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided
to play a trick.
She told my sister that she needed something from the store.
When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed
the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey,
and re-stuffed the turkey.
She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.
When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the
oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing.
When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out
the little bird.
With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed,
"Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!"
At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.
It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

When the women's clothing manufacturer outsourced to China,
Each employee received a pink slip.

General Motors and Toyota are working together to build a new car model.
The new vehicle will be built in the factory that was used for the old Chevette.
It will be called the Toyolette.
It will feature bucket seats and automatic wipers.

When we were young, we had the speed of a jaguar and the ferocity of a lion.
Now, we're merely "dragon."

Grandma Levy, always a regular synagogue member had finally talked her
cousin, a woman who had lived a riotous, free life, into joining the
Temple.
"Tell me Rabbi," the old lady asked, "Do you feel that my cousin will
have her sins forgiven after all those years?"
"Yes I do. I'm positive of it. You must remember that the greater the
number of sins, the greater the glory."
"Really Rabbi?", the old lady replied thoughtfully. "I sure do wish
I'd known that fifty years ago."

As Quasimodo was taking off for the Bell Ringers Olympics, he tried to
cram the great bell of Notre Dame into the overhead compartment.
"I am sorry, said the flight attendant, "That's only for carillon luggage."

Two elderly sisters were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.
Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said,
"Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"
Mabel answered,
"I have a suppository in my ear?"
She pulled it out and stared at it.
Then she said,
"Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where to find
my hearing aid."

The patient showed up at the doctor's office and said,
"Doc--TB or not TB, that is the congestion."

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to
know each other so well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress.
The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo.
The wedding was lovely.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over
and said to the groom-broom,
"I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!"
"Impossible!" said the groom broom. "We haven't even swept together!"

If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island.
If you don't have sea all round you, you are in continent.

Out by the Cheyenne River, an enterprising Native American founded a
business manufacturing crepe paper.
Using modern equipment and Internet Marketing techniques, he built a
reputation for quality paper printed with traditional tribal designs.
A certain gourmet in Chicago was arranging a party for an
about-to-retire friend, and, via the Internet, ordered what he thought
was going to be 25 sets of designer-pattern crepe paper.
When the shipment arrived, it turned out that the order had been
entered as 25 cases of crepe paper.
Assuming his tried-and-true restaurant demeanour, he bellowed at an assistant,
"Send this back – the crepe Sioux sets have been grossly overdone!"