God gave me the grace

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know
what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you
mean, you 'know' what the Bible means? The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?" "That's easy,
Daddy...." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic
Information Before Leaving Earth.'

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There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to
her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything
breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten
Commandments. " answered the lady.

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"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning,
Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good
Lord, it's morning."

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A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because
he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he
put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the
block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment.
Forgive us our trespasses."  When he returned, he found a citation
from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block
for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us
not into temptation."

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There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to
his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we
have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news
is, it's still out there in your pockets."

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While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish
carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humour,
because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed
sign.... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution:
Do not step on exhaust."

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A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and
girls, what do we know about God?" A hand shot up in the air. "He is
an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.  "Really? How do you know?" the
teacher asked. "You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven.... "

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A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before
a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were
many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a
vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the
delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get
ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean.
It's the same in my business."

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People want the front of the bus, the back of the church and the
centre of attention.

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Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the
lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get
your quilt." Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day,
the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that
morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy
comforter is coming."

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The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask
the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting
for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find
that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought
in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have
to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the
finances." During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers
and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice
as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can
pledge $100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute
organist played "The Star Spangled Banner" (USA 's national anthem).
And that is how the substitute became the c organist!

Give me a sense of humor, Lord,  Give me the grace to see a joke,  To
get some humor out of life, And pass it on to other folk!