Oxford Dictionary's latest definitions
Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at
one end & a fool on the other.
Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes
of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without
passing through the minds of either
Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the
number present.
Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that
everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power
is defeated by feminine water power
Dictionary : A place where
success comes before work.
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody
listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous
home life.
Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open
their mouth.
Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more
than you actually do.
Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and
sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb : An invention to
end all inventions.
Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to
be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a
way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath if he
accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist : A person who while falling from the Eiffel tower
says midway, "See I am not injured yet."
Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....except that
he got caught.
Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when
you are
early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and
your confidence after.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills
you with his bills.
