Jest Awhile!

"Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich is heading an
'Impeach Dick Cheney' movement. First of all, how many heart attacks
has Cheney had? Five? Six? Want to get rid of this guy? Buy him a
cheeseburger." --Jay Leno.

"This morning in Washington, President Bush attended the 6th Annual
Hispanic Prayer Breakfast. At the breakfast, President Bush showed off
his Spanish by ordering 'El Capitan Cruncho.'" --Conan O'Brien.

"All of the candidates have released their financial statements. Turns
out Bill Clinton made $10 million from speaking engagements last year.
See that sounds glamorous, but imagine all those nights in a hotel
room, Hillary half-way across the country, him sitting there by
himself all lonely." --Jay Leno.

"President Bush was in Albania. He thought he was going to Albany.
Anyway, he ended up in Albania ... And somebody stole his watch. Bush
is upset. He is really angry. He said he now has no choice but to bomb
Iran." --David Letterman.

"The Pentagon has admitted they once tried to develop a gay bomb -- a
bomb that would turn enemy soldiers gay. They said their goal was to
turn the Iraq war into a musical. ... Gay bomb? Talk about a troop
surge. ... I believe the main ingredients in the gay bomb are an agent
orange with a chartreuse accent." --Jay Leno

"Yesterday, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger told a Latino
group if immigrants want to learn English, they should not read
foreign-language newspapers. The Latino group told Arnold, 'How about
you tell us how you learned English, and we'll do the opposite.'"
--Conan O'Brien.

"Presidential candidate Tommy Thompson ... Gave a major campaign
speech yesterday. A major speech to let everyone know he is not
dropping out of the race ... And he is entering the Iowa straw poll
and he intends to win it. And then, the kid at the McDonald's
drive-thru said, 'You want fries, Mr.?'" --Jay Leno.
Alphabet.

Little Johnny asks the teacher,

"Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?"

The teacher says,

"Yes, but only after you recite the alphabet Johnny."

Little Johnny says,

"Fine" and quickly babbles out: a "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO_QRSTUVWXYZ!"

The teacher asks,

"Where is the P?"

Johnny replies,

"Running down my leg. Please let me go to the bathroom!"
Beethoven's Grave.

A daring vacationer in Vienna is walking through a graveyard when all
of a sudden she hears music. No one is around, so she starts looking
to see where ita (tm)s coming from.

She finally locates the source and finds it is coming from a grave
with a headstone that reads, a oeLudwig van Beethoven.a

Then she realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being
played backward. Puzzled, she leaves the graveyard and persuades a
friend to return with her.

By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed.

This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but it is also being played backward.

Curious, the ladies agree to consult a music scholar.

When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing and
the expert concludes that the symphonies are in fact being played in
reverse order.

By the next day, the word spread and a huge group gathered around the
grave to hear the Second Symphony being played backward.

Just then the graveyard's caretaker approaches the group.

Someone in the crowd asks him if he has an explanation for the music.

"Oh, it's nothing to worry about" says the caretaker. "He's just decomposing!!"