Jest Jokes!

Miscellaneous Joke.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer
in what oredr the ltteers in a word are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is
that the first and last ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be
a total mses and you can still raed it wouthit porbelm. This is
bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the
word as a wlohe. Pettry amzanig huh?

Idiots Joke.

Two guys were fishing down by the Ohio River on different sides of the
riverbank at night.
Guy number one was catching a whole bunch of fish for his family, but
guy number two hadn't caught any and was frustrated and called out to
guy number one,
"How come you've been catching all them there fish and I ain't caught
a single one?"
Guy number one replied, " I don't know.... Why don't ya come on over here?"
"I don't know.... I don't see a bridge, and their aint no boat, and I
don't swim to well"
Guy number one picks up his flashlight, turns it on, and replies,
" Why don't you walk across this here beam off light?"
Guy number two was outraged and replied,
"Do you think am stupid? When I get half way you'll turn it off!!!"

Miscellaneous Joke.

Only in America.....
Only in America... Can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in America... Are there handicap parking places in front of a
skating rink.
Only in America... Do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the
back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can
buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America... Do people order double cheese burgers, large fries,
and a diet Coke.
Only in America... Do banks leave both doors to the vault open and
then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America... Do they leave cars worth thousands of dollars in
the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America... Do they use answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so they won't miss a call from someone they
didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Only in America... Do they buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight.
Only in America... Do they use the word "politics" to describe the
process so well; "Poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning
"bloodsucking creatures".
Only in America... Do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering

Clinton Joke.

Bill, Hillary and Vice President Gore were on their way back to
Washington on Air Force One, when Bill said " I'd like to drop a $100
bill out of the plane and make one person very happy".
Hillary thought for a moment then replied,
"I'd rather drop ten, $10 bills out and make ten people very happy".
To which Vice President Gore said,
"I would drop a hundred $1 bills out and make a hundred people very happy".
The pilot then spoke up and said,
"Why don't all three of you jump out and make 250 million people very happy?"

Bar & Drinking Joke.

A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow, he
managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the
building, where he crashed from pew to pew. He finally made his way to
a side aisle and into a confessional.
A priest had been observing the man's sorry progress.
Figuring the fellow was in need of some assistance, he proceeded to
enter his side of the confessional.
His attention was rewarded only by a lengthy silence.
Finally he asked,
"May I help you, my son?"
"I dunno." came the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got
any toilet paper on your side?"

Marriage Joke.

A woman who died found herself standing outside the Pearly Gates,
being greeted by St. Peter.
She asked him,
"Oh, is this place what I really think it is? It's so beautiful.Did I
really make it to heaven?"
To which St. Peter replied,
"Yes, my dear, these are the Gates to Heaven. But, you must do one
more thing before you can enter."
The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do to
pass through the gates. "Spell a word," St. Peter replied. "What
word?" she asked.
"Any word," answered St. Peter. "It's your choice."
The woman promptly replied,
"Then the word I will spell is love.L-o-v-e."
St. Peter congratulated her on her good fortune to have made it to
Heaven, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates
for a few minutes while he went to the bathroom.
"I'd be honored," she said, "but what should I do if someone comes
while you are gone?"
St. Peter reassured her, and instructed the woman to simply have any
newcomers to the Pearly Gates to spell a word as she had done.
So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter's chair and watching the
beautiful angels soaring around her when a man approaches the gates.
She realizes it is her loser husband.
"What happened?" she cried, "Why are you here?"
Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said,
"I was so drunk when I left your funeral, I was in an accident. And
now I am here? Did I really make it to Heaven?"
To which the woman replied, "Not yet. You must spell a word first."
"What word?" he asked.
The woman responded,
"Czechoslovakia."

Bonus Joke.

Two bats are hanging in their cave.
One turns to the other and says,
"Oh, I'm really thirsty for some fresh blood."
The other bat is amazed and says,
"Well, it's a bit late. Daylight is almost here, and we can't be
exposed to any light - you know we'll die."
"Yeah, I know," says the first bat, "but I'm really starving for it."
So, he flies out of the cave and returns five minutes later with blood
dripping from his mouth.
"You lucky thing. Where'd you find blood that quick?" asked the second bat.
"You see that tree over there in the distance?" mumbled the bat, his
mouth full of blood.
"Yeah, I think I do!"
"Well, I didn't."