New Warning Signs for Alcoholic Beverages.

The Toronto Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed
on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of
drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage.

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a
breath that could knock a buzzard off a wreaking dead animal that is
one hundred yards away.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same
boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault
you

4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what
you really think of him.

6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.

7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you
are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy
named Psycho Bob.