Bar & Drinking Jokes

There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding
his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and
-- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor.
The big dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."
The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and
starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- the big dude
knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan."
So, the little guy has had enough of this...
He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves.
The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned.
Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and -- WHAM!!!"
-- knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!!!
The little guy looks at the bartender and says,
"When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from Sears.
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One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar
for possible DUI violations.
At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar, trip on the
curb, and try his keys in five different cars before he found his.
Then, he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for
several minutes. Everyone else left the bar and drove off.
Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.
The police officer was waiting for him.
He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the
Breathalyzer test.
The results showed a reading of 0.0.
The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied,
"Tonight I'm the designated decoy.".
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A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at
the other end. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally
goes over to her and asks, tentatively,
"Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs,
"No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
By now, the entire bar is staring at them.
Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he
slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.
She smiles at him and says,
"I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in
psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing
situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs,
"What do you mean $200!"

There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for half-an-hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes
the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says:
"Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I
just can't see a man crying."
"No, it's not that.
Today day is the worst of my life.
First, I overslept and was late to an important meeting.
My boss, outrageous, fired me.
When I left the building to my car, I found out it was stolen.
The police, they said they could do nothing.
I got a cab to return home, and after I paid the cab driver and the
cab had gone, I found that I left my whole wallet in the cab.
I got home only to find my wife was in bed with the gardener.
I left home and came to this bar.
And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up
and drink my poison ..."