Fwd: Jokes of the Day -

INTRODUCTION
Courage is the power to let go of the familiar.
-Raymond Lindquist

A young man was walking past an old woman on a street corner, when she said,
"Son, if it is not too much trouble, can you see me across the street."
The young man said,
"Just a minute."
Then he walked across the street, looked back and yelled,
"Yes, I can see you!"

Illinois, Evanston Law
It is unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains
drawn, except in case of fire.

Two lawyers, Frank and Harry, meet for a drink.
Frank says,
"You know what happened?
An angel was sent down to compile a list of the dishonest lawyers on earth.'
Six months later he dragged himself back to Heaven, exhausted.
'Believe me,' he told God, 'it'd be easier if I just made note of all
of the honest lawyers on earth.
In fact, I think I could do that in a weekend.'
God said,
'Fine.'
Come Monday morning, the angel turned in his list and God said,
'That's terrific. Now I think you should send all the lawyers on this
list a note of congratulations.'"
Frank pauses and sips his Scotch.
Then he says,
"There was a postscript to the angel's note. You know what it was?"
Harry says,
"No."
"Aha! So you didn't get one either!"

In the north of England lived a man, poorly educated, who made a large
fortune by selling his design for a bicycle chain.
With this money he set about realising his childhood ambition to
become a country squire.
He purchased a beautiful estate near the Scottish border, and
proceeded, with the help of some excellent servants, to live in a
manner none in his family had ever dreamed of.
Foremost of these servants was his butler, Jeeves, a well educated man
who assisted his master in every way he could to better himself.
The master would often ask Jeeves for advice on how to handle a social
situation, or to explain a new term.
One day when the master was reading he called Jeeves in and asked,
"Jeeves, what is this fox pass?"
"Sir," replied Jeeves, "that would be 'faux pas'. I'll give you an
example. Do you remember recently when Lord and Lady Plushbottom
stayed for the weekend? And do you remember how on Sunday morning Lord
Plushbottom pricked his finger on a rose?
"And do you further remember how later, at breakfast, Lady Plushbottom
asked her husband 'Is your prick still throbbing dear?' and you said
'Christ!' and I dropped the marmalade?"
"That, Sir, was a faux pas."

There was a really cute princess walking through the woods, and she
heard a voice calling,
"Hey Really Cute Princess!"
She looked around and didn't see anyone but a frog.
She started to walk on but the frog called again.
"Hey Really Cute Princess, if you take me home and let me sleep on
your pillow, I will turn back into a Handsome Prince!"
It had been a very boring day so she decided to give it a try even
though she really didn't believe the frog.
The Really Cute Princess took the frog home with her and let him sleep
on her pillow.
When she got up the next day what do you think she found?
There on her pillow sat a really Handsome Prince.
Do you believe the story?
Well neither did her mother!

We took my sons, ages seven and five, up to Friendship Park for a picnic.
My seven year old read the sign with the playground rules to his brother.
"Do not jump on the merry-go-round when in motion."
"Go down the slide while sitting, only."
"Only one child on a swing at a time."
(There were a good twenty rules.)
The boys promised to obey them if I would let them play without Daddy
standing by.
So, I joined my wife at the picnic table.
Just before it was time to eat, I went over and watched them play.
They were obeying the rules, that is, all but one.
On the tall semicircular slide, they were coming down head first!
I took them over to the posted regulations.
We read them, again.
I asked the boys what they had to say for themselves.
"Oh, don't be silly, Dad...no one uses the slide rule anymore!"

My son had just turned 15 when I finally decided to talk to him about sex.
To ensure private time, I brought him on a ski trip and began our talk
on the chair lift so he couldn't escape.
"Do you know about girls and babies?" I asked.
He nodded but cut me off.
The next ride up the ski lift, I brought it up again, only to have him
look away in silence.
On the third lift, already knowing I had waited too long, I bluntly asked,
"Son, would you like to talk about sex?"
"Damn, Dad," he responded, "is that all you ever think about?"