Monday, February 24, 2014

Fwd: Adult Jokes ...

XXX Adult Jokes ...




Fu, Bu and Chu immigrated to the US from China.
They decided to become American Citizens, and "Americanize" their names.
Bu - called himself "Buck"
Chu called himself "Chuck"
And
Fu had to go back to China.

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotch less panties in an attempt to
spice up her dead sex-life.
She puts them on together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa
opposite her husband.
At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs enough times that her
husband finally asks
"Are you wearing crotchless panties?"
"Y-e-s" she answers with a seductive smile.
"Thank God. I thought you were sitting on the cat."

There Was A Young Nun From Peru
Whom The Bishop Wanted To Screw,
But She Said 'The Vicar
Is Quicker And Slicker,
And Three Inches Longer Than You.'

A Professor was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular
Contractions" to his first year medical students.
Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor
decided to lighten the mood slightly.
He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said,
"Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"
She replied,
"Probably deer hunting or playinggolf with his buddies."

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colourful words in the English
language today is the word "Fuck".
It is the one magical word, which, just by its sound, can describe
pain, pleasure, love, and hate.
In language, "Fuck" falls into many grammatical categories.
It can be used as a verb, both transitive (Mary fucked John) and
intransitive (John was fucked by Mary).
It can be an action verb (John really gives a Fuck),
A passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a Fuck),
An adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is
a terrific Fuck).
It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or
An interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary).
It can even be used as a conjunction (John is ugly, Fuck, he's also stupid).
As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility
of the word "Fuck."

Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used
to describe many situations:
1) Surprise -- "What the Fuck are you doing here?"
2) Fraud -- "I got fucked by the car dealer."
3) Resignation -- "Oh, Fuck it!"
4) Trouble -- "I guess I'm fucked now."
5) Aggression -- "FUCK YOU!"
6) Disgust -- "Fuck me."
7) Confusion -- "What the Fuck...?"
8) Difficulty -- "I don't understand this fucking business!"
9) Despair -- "Fucked again...."
10) Pleasure -- "I fucking couldn't be happier."
11) Displeasure -- "What the Fuck is going on here?"
12) Lost -- "Where the Fuck are we?"
13) Disbelief -- "UN-FUCKING-BELIEVABLE!"
14) Retaliation -- "Up your fucking ass!"
15) Denial -- "I didn't fucking do it."
16) Perplexity -- "I know Fuck-all about it."
17) Apathy -- "Who really gives a Fuck, anyhow?"
18) Greetings -- "How the Fuck are ya?"
19) Suspicion -- "Who the Fuck are you?"
20) Panic -- "Let's get the Fuck out of here."
21) Directions -- "Fuck off."
22) Awe -- "How the Fuck did you do that?"

It can be used in an anatomical description --
"He's a fucking asshole."
It can be used to tell time --
"It's five fucking thirty."
It can be used in business --
"How did I wind up with this fucking job?"
It can be maternal --
"Motherfucker."
It can be political --
"Fuck Bush!"