Fwd: Adult Puns

XXXX ADULT PUNS

Women close their eyes during sex
Because
They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.

The recently married young woman was weeping and pouring out her heart
and troubles to the church's appointed marriage counselor.
"Isn't there some way without turning into a nag, that I can keep my
husband in line?"
The counselor scowled.
"Well young lady," he said, "maybe that's the problem, Your husband
shouldn't have to wait in line !"

What do you call two gay guys named Bob?
Oral Roberts.

I was driving my car down a side street the other day when all of a
sudden this cat jumped out in front of me.
I hit the brakes, but I heard a thump,
So, I stopped.
There was the cat lying right in the road.
It was still alive, but I apparently had run over its tail and the
force of the tire had cut it off.
A lady came running out of a house screaming,
"You killed my cat!" I told her,
"No, he's O. K., except for the tail, and I'll fix that."
I went into the trunk of my car and got out a roll of duct tape and
taped the cat's tail back on.
The lady immediately blushed and called the cops.
A cop showed up and immediately gave me a ticket.
Boy, was I pissed off. I had to go to court, and was convicted.
What a bummer.
All for retailing pussy in a residential area.

Ad in "help wanted" section of Tel Aviv newspaper:
"Wanted: Mohel at General Hospital. Pay is 100 New Israeli Shekels
per hour, plus tips."


A wife went in to see her therapist and said,
"I've got a big problem doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband
climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see
what the problem is. In fact, you could take it as a compliment!"
"Yeah, I guess so," she complained. "But it almost always wakes me up!"

The ultimate rejection:
When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.


At a paternity trial, the blonde's lawyer asked,
"On the night of July 16th last, at approximately 11:45 p.m., in the
locale known generally as 'Lover's Lane' did the defendant have sexual
relations with you?"
"Yes." whispered the girl, her head bowed.
"And did the defendant on that occasion, to the best of your
knowledge, have a climax?" the lawyer continued.
"Oh no." she replied, "I'm pretty sure he had one of them real fancy Mazdas."

Indecent:
If it's hard enough, long enough, and in far enough, it's in decent.