Fwd: Adult Puns

XXXX ADULT PUNS

There was a young lady of bicester,
She was nicer by far than her sister;
The sister would giggle,
And wiggle and jiggle,
But this one would come if you kissed her.

Love comes in spurts.

A housewife is at home when she suddenly hears a knock on the door.
When she opens the door a man asks her if she has a vagina,
The woman slams the door in disbelief of what a stranger has just asked her.
The same thing happens three consecutive days and the woman decides to
tells her husband.
The husband says to the wife;
"Tomorrow I am not going to work and when the man asks if you have a
vagina say yes and I will be hiding behind the door."
The next day, the same man comes again and when the woman opens the
door he asks if she has the vagina and the woman says yes;
The man then said to the woman,
"Good, then please tell your husband to stop screwing my wife.

A gay masochist is
A sucker for punishment.

Our Unabashed Dictionary offers this definition of the difference
between frustration and panic:
Frustration is the first time you discover you can't do it the second time.
Panic is the second time you discover you can't do it the first time.



"Don't knock masturbation,
it's sex with someone I love."

It has been determined that having sex before participating in
athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the
athlete's performance.
In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries.
After sex, they glance at their watches and say,
"Oops, gotta run!"

The difference between a porcupine and BMW is:
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

A young buck went into a large store for a packet of rubbers.
"Have you tried the rainbow ones?" asked the assistant, "We've got red
ones, blue ones, green ones, orange ones, yellow ones, plus a few
other different colours."
"I'll try the lot," said the young man adventurously.
Six months later, he appeared in the same store with a rather sorry
looking young girl asking for maternity dresses.
The same assistant served them asking,
"What bust, madam?"
"The blue one," the young man said sadly.

Sex at age 90 is:
Like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
Morris and his wife were vacationing in Hawaii when a violent
earthquake occurred at 3 AM.
As soon as morning came, the man went down to the hotel lobby to read
the newspaper about what had happened.
As he was reading the newspaper, a local gentlemen step up and ask him
if he had felt the earthquake during the night.
"I sure did. My wife and I are here on vacation from the mainland, and
I have felt other earthquakes, but I have never felt a quake like that
one, it was terrible. I thought the building was going to come down on
us."
The guy asks,
"What were you doing during the earthquake?"
"Gee, I was having the best sexual performance of my life as that
earthquake was happening."
"Is that right?"
"And what did your wife think about it?"
Morris said,
"Well, it damn near woke her up!"

A man who cries while he masturbates is:
A tearjerker.