Fwd: Jokes of the Day - Friday 7th February 2014

"You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it."
- Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874-1936)

Every man needs a wife because there are a number of things that go
wrong that one cannot blame on the government.

Louisana Law
Biting somBiting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault,"
while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault."


KIDS' KITCHEN TERMS
BOIL:
The point a parent reaches upon hearing the automatic "Yuck" before a
food is even tasted.

CASSEROLE:
Combination of favorite foods that go uneaten because they are mixed together.

DESSERT:
The reason for eating a meal.

EVAPORATE:
Magic trick performed by children when it comes time to clear the
table or wash dishes.

FRUIT:
A natural sweet not to be confused with dessert

REFRIGERATOR:
A very expensive and inefficient room air conditioner when not being
used as an art gallery.

SODA POP:
Shake 'N Spray.

TABLE LEG:
Percussion instrument.



A young man came home from the office and found his bride sobbing convulsively.
"I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I
burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."
"Forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I've got an extra
pair of pants for that suit."
"Yes, and it's lucky you have," said the woman, drying her eyes. "I
used them to patch the hole."



Rules:

1. If you have to ask, you are not entitled to know.
2. If you don't like the answer, you should not have asked the question.
3. When all else fails, read the instructions.
4. When in;
a. Doubt - mumble
b. Trouble - delegate
c. Charge - ponder
5. When the weight of the paperwork, equals the weight of the
equipment, the equipment will work
6. After adding two weeks for unexpected delays, add two more for the
unexpected unexpected delays
7. It does not matter if you fall down, as long as you pick up
something from the floor when you get up
8. You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on
9. There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it twice
10. It works better if you plug it in
11. Only Robinson Crusoe had every thing done by Friday
12. Never admit anything. Never regret anything. Whatever it is,
you are not responsible


An American was knocked unconscious in a serious accident while
traveling in Australia.
The ambulance took him to a local hospital for treatment.
While he finally woke up he asked the nurse,
"Was I brought here to die?"
"No," said the nurse. "You were brought in here yesterday."